Friday, April 30, 2004

Women,The Biggest Mystery Ever

          Women. Woman. Girl. Lady. Female. Here we see five different ways to spell "mystery". Rich indeed will be the man who writes a "Man's guide to Women". The sheer SIZE of the book itself would put the price in the $500.00 range! Can you even IMAGINE the VOLUMES it would take to write something like that?

            Women have so many strange ways that we just cannot keep up with them. And,the rules change daily! Ladies,here is a list of "keywords" that will get a man's attention. If you want him to listen to you,just start talking,and throw some of these in at certain points....these words will keep him focused on you. Food,sex,beer,sex,sports,sex,cars,sex,monster trucks,sex,and did I mention SEX?

           Men are so predictable. If a man kills someone,it is one of four things money,guns women,drugs.I think drugs actually fits in with money. Men get angry,someone gets their ass whipped,and it's over. Women get mad,that is a different story. She will explode instantly,or she will let it "stew" for a few days...weeks...months,then,well,most of you guys know what happens! Am I wrong? I thought not.

         Here is my favorite conversation between man and woman(I should know,I have been here plenty of times),Man; "what is wrong"? Woman; "Nothing" Man;" well,something must be wrong,you aren't talking". Woman; " I said NOTHING". And so it goes for days on end........

         I have a proposal; The next time your lady friend does this,don't keep asking! Ask once,and forget about it.Women can't stand that,they are like cats...if you don't pay attention to them,they will be right in your face. Then,if you let her do the talking,you will find out what is wrong. This is just my way of "helping" my fellow man!

                                               Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Talk to Me.

     Talk to me. Tell me what you want to know. You can leave comments here. Sometimes,when you try to,it says that you are blocked....believe me,NO ONE is blocked from leaving comments here. It just does that sometimes,I have no idea why. Maybe if we all yell really loud at aol?

       I will discuss anything within reason. I will NOT discuss things of a sexual nature,nor will I condone ANY harmful behavior toward ANYONE. I will also NOT tell you to do drugs,besides,I did them all in the '70's,so there aren't any left for you! I will NOT tell you to drop out of school...I did,and it sucked.

        I WILL discuss ways to make your life better. I will tell you that individual freedom is very important to me.I will tell you that it is important to me that EVERYONE should voice their opinion,even if I don't like it. I may not like what someone says,but I will defend to the death their right to say it out loud! I don't like "skinheads",or "KKK" members,but they have the same freedoms as everyone else. I just choose not to listen to them.

        I cannot stand Rush Limbaugh,but,he has his rights,just like everyone else. Actually,as I think about it,there seem to be LOTS of fools out there that I don't like...oh,well,they probablly don't care too much for me,either! They'll get over it!

         So,please,leave comments,remarks,questions,abusive remarks.....I will get back to all of you. And I will NEVER berate anyone here...not in a public forum.

                                       Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Thursday, April 29, 2004

Swimming With Sharks

  All of you who have been reading know that I just bought a car. This is my first  time to buy a car from a dealer. That is the reason for the title "Swimming With Sharks". It has no reference to the 1996 movie of the same name.

      When I was ready to do the deal with the finance officer,also known as the "lemon shark",we went into his office,leaving behind the salesman,known as the "bottom feeding shark". This office is where you actually sign the papers,and finalize the deal. This is also where you meet the "king of all predators"; the "Great White Shark".

     The finance officer and myself had only been in the office a few minutes when a new face entered. I had been back and forth to this dealership for just about three weeks. I knew ALL of the salesmen,and ladies. I knew the faces of EVERYONE who worked there. This guy was "new". I did not like all.

     Call it "gut instinct",intuition,whatever. My "street skills" kicked in as soon as this guy walked in the door. He just gave off some kind of "vibe". He was predatory in nature,you could smell it on him. You could smell blood on him,hell,he tracked it in the room! (not literally....don't be stupid) He was nice,also....a bit too nice if you ask me. I still didn't like him. I watched his every move....he was dangerous,and I could feel it.

     After all of the paper work was finished,I went to see the salesman again. I just had to ask,"who was that guy"? Some of you will have guessed by now,but I had NO IDEA. The salesman told me this guy was a "closer". If someone gets cold feet at the last minute,he puts on the pressure. He will do anything to keep a near-sale from walking out the door.He is "The Great White" of all the salespeople,and he alone swims with the biggest sharks! No wonder my radar went off as soon as he walked in. Funny how we develop these "senses",and never seem to lose them.

      This "sense" of pure evil never goes off anymore for me. I no longer live on the streets. I have been married for 22 years,and thought that those senses were long gone......guess I was VERY wrong.

                                         Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

To Sum it UP

OK,so,first of all,I have a different text color....oh well. Now,then. SO I am going through my mail again(it just keeps comin'),and I see this thing sent to me from someone that I know. It tells this story about "The Stranger I grew up With". After this looong story,about how this stranger tried to influence everyone in the home,and told bad stories,blah,blah, is revealed at the end that the "stranger's" name is TV.  TV? Is that it? That's all you got? Give me a f%^king break!! Oh,don't get me started!

         You're kidding,right? TV? Please. Every tv I ever saw had one very important piece of equipment on it....if you have even one brain cell working,you know what it is. THE OFF BUTTON! That's right,get off your fat ass,and drag your carcass across the room,and TURN IT OFF! Or, better yet,just push a button on your remote!

        And while we are at it(you knew I would get started),who the HELL is "The Moral Majority"? I don't even like politics,and these ass-holes get to me! I can't do this,I can't do that,can't drink this,can't smoke that---kiss my ass! These are the same Butt-heads that say what we can and cannot watch on our tvs! So what if they are offended,see the above paragraph!!!

         To hell with them,I say the pen is mightier than the sword,just keep a sword handy for when the pen fails! There are various other sundry groups that piss me off,and I'm sure that you will find out about them at a later time! I am not "just an old hippie",there are just certain things that folks shouldn't tamper with. A "free" America...don't bet on it.

        Quick many of you have seen the DOZENS of shows that portray "Area 51". They have photos,people who used to work there,G.A.O. reports of how much money goes there,and STILL the gov't INSISTS that it doesn't exist. HUH??? Hey,boys,your secret is OUT! We know what you do out there in the desert! Everyone does! But,don't worry,our gov't does far worse things than that! I could tell you things that would make you hunt me down,but you won't believe them. People tend to bury their head in the sand,and just "accept things" as they are.  Not amongst yourselves.

                                          Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Devoted to the Devotional

      So,here I am going through my "virtual mail"(E-mail),and I run across some "devotional",or religious material. I give it a look,and toss it out. You may have guessed that I am not very religious. To each his own. I have heard people yelling "what is up with these ' religious nuts'"? You tell me. They are just trying to show you something,stupid. Let them be,I do. I am of the mindset that says"do your own thing,just do no harm".

        People tell me that God will strike me down for not going to church. Well kiss my ass. God is all-seeing,so He knows right where I live. He has my address,He knows my phone number,He might even have my E-mail,too! Jesus once said something along the lines that He is in every tree,under every rock,in every thing you see. If that is so,then I am surronded by God Himself! I don't need to go to your big,fancy church. If you believe there is a God,then I believe that you already praise,or worship him. Me??? I'm not sure.

       My best friend here in town is a preacher. That's right,a good,old fashioned preacher. He knows me very well,and I have only gone to his church just one time. He was at my daughter's wedding,he was there when both of her children were born.Because he "should be"? No,because he WANTED to be. He knows I won't go to church.....and he never bugs me about it. When he sees me,we talk about all kinds of things; but never going to church. Like I said,he knows me very well.

              This could get very long,so I will just say this,if you believe,I am happy for you. If you don't,then you don't. I will never try to convince anyone that God exists,it isn't my job,and it isn't your's,either. From what I have learned,they must know in their hearts.

         The only reason I say God is because I know very little if anything about other religions,and would rather not offend someone by saying something wrong, so I prefer to admit a lack of knowledge of such things............more later.

                          Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

I've Been Busy

        Settle down,my children. I know that you have missed me,but I have been very busy. I am sorry to neglect you,but I am here now. Besides,you get far more attention than I ever did! Now then,I told you a few weeks ago that I was trying to buy a car. Well,I did it! It is a '99 Nissan Sentra! A pocket rocket,if nothing else!

        Yes,I got rid of my "Caddy". Big Blue was her name. It was out of  despair at the price of gas;and I only see it going higher. Besides,it was time to "quit being a dinosaur",as my oldest daughter says. lol  Both of my daughters love it,and so do I. I won't be driving it very much at all,my eyesight is getting very bad. But that's cool,I can ride while my wife drives!

         Here are the details of this past weekend. Saturday we went to the dealer,about 30 miles away. We spent some time there,they said to go to lunch,and they would hammer out the details. OK,so we kill about an hour,come back,and the monthly payments are FAR above what I had told them I could pay. I got up to leave,and the salesman tells me to hang on,"nothing is ever done until it is DONE" he says.Thanks Yogi Berra---But anyway,he comes back in about five minutes with the payments I told him I could afford. Done Deal!

         I knew that they could do it,I just didn't let them talk me into something that I couldn't afford. People have a hard time pushing me into things,and it kind of makes them think. To my way of thinking,if you REALLY want me to accept what you say,then it can't be good for ME. See,there it is again,always alert,always looking out,always is always there,it never shuts off! Sometimes,I wonder about me....

        I will try to get in here again,but being a moderator at another site takes up a lot of time for me. Don't worry,children,I will still come to visit all of you,and regale you with my they good or bad.  Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Friday, April 23, 2004

Poem xxx

The wind whispers the names of those who have gone before

The Grim Reaper is nothing,if not a dirty,life-stealing whore.

Through all of the years,and all of the tears,

I know the names of all who have disappeared.

Death comes silent,like a thief in the night,

Away! What gives him the right?

Of Death,I have no fear,I have seen him near.

I know Death,clad only in black robes;

I know Him,His unearthly stench,

He despises me,all of me,every inch!

I have cheated Him so many,many times,

And now I mock Him with my rhymes!

I laugh out loud;I laugh right in His face,

When He comes to me,I put him in his place!


            An original work by me.Please DO NOT steal my work--It is hard for me to spell "plagarism".

Cold Hearted?

      " How can you be so cold,and so hard"? If I had a dime for every time I heard that.....I would have a lot of dimes. I may be hard,but I am fair,and me and mine are protected. You make a move toward me,you suffer.Make a move toward my family,and your suffering will end quickly. How did it get like this? How can I be this way?

       Easy.I came up this way.Everyone new was suspect,no one was exempt. Like I said before,if you see me pass you on the street,you WILL see me looking at you. I am highly defensive,completely explosive,and ready to go on a second's notice....always. I hate crowds of people; too many to keep an eye on. I literally start to "overload" in large stores. I have to leave for some air,then go back in. Restaurants are NO better. I  WILL NOT sit in the middle of the floor. I MUST have a wall at my back.

        I take EVERYTHING personally! Don't just make some off-hand remark,and think it goes un-noticed---it doesn't. I guess you could say that I am not "user friendly". I don't like people,and if they don't like me,then fine.At least they leave me alone. I have maybe three friends in the world,besides my wife.You could sort of call her the "Beastmaster". She keeps me in check when I need it.She has a full-time job at this,believe me. I tend to growl at people who get in my way in public. I have heard a few start to say something,but as they turn around and see me,they tend to be quiet,and move.Good enough.

          Don't come around my house if you are not known...I have guns,and know how to use them. I can hit a man-sized target at 500 meters with a rifle. Thank you,U.S.Army. Just to save you some time.....that is just over one quarter mile away.I think it is important to note here that I have never deprived another human being of their "being".Be whatever you want to be,just don't bug me with it. Go "be" on your own. Personal space,and all of that shit,ya' know?

         Tough? I don't think so...I just tend to survive by my instincts,something everyone else seems to have forgotten. Maybe you should look around yourself? You just might see a few more like me. Scary,isn't it...............

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Who I Owe...

          I owe several people for getting to this stage in my life. I owe the "mother" who beat me,and told me every day just how much she hated me. For my first 12 years,I thought my name was "little bastard". I also owe this same person for finally dumping me on my ass---at least she was gone from my life!

         I owe the grandmother up north,for being kind enough to pick up from where her daughter left off. Now,I'm not one of those huggy-feely people. Matter of fact,I prefer that people stay about two feet away from me.They don't need to be any closer than that.Any closer means that either you or me is soon to carry an ass-whippin'.

        I owe the Uncle who was a biker.That's right,I owe him. He,and his friends taught me what I needed to know to survive. And I had a hell of a ride learning from them! I would change NOTHING from those all too short years in my life,nothing! I learned respect,trust,loyalty,and brotherhood...what else do you need? I am not easily fooled,and if you like talking really fast,then you can just talk to my back-side,'cause I will be headed AWAY from you.

        I would like to thank the wife of 22 years who has stood by me,no matter what I did. I have strived to never hurt her. I made her a promise all those years ago,and have kept it.She has also kept hers.She knows just when to step in and shut me up.She has kept me from lots of mistakes. She is fabulous in matters of the heart. She even got me through quitting smoking recently.Anyone who could have put up with me through that deserves to be awarded some kind of medal! I have never raised a hand to my wife,nor will I ever. That is a choice that I made.If I see a man hit his wife in public,or a child,then he has a very large problem to deal with---right then.

         And,I would like to thank the mother again for bringing me into this world,so I could look forward to bearing the same mental illness that she has been saddled with; Thanks,mom.

           Now,I must thank a new group of friends that I have on-line. We have lots of fun together. They know who they are,and I love to count them in my life as friends! Thanks,guys,you mean so much to me!

Writer's Block???

        Can't think of anything to say today...oh,wait. I just remembered something. How can everyone call Elvis Presly the "King" of Rock-and-Roll? There were so many others who contributed so much more! Think of the Beatles,Jimi Hendrix,Janis Joplin,Eric Clapton,the list goes on forever! I know that there are some people who would call this "Rock-Blasphemy".

         Think back,fall,1969,at a little place called  "Woodstock". Why was the "King" of rock music absent from the largest(at that time)gathering of rock artists? The way that I see it,all that Elvis ever contributed to rock-n-roll was the ability to shake his hips!

         I have heard Elvis sing all of his material.OK,I have never been impressed,sorry. Take Carlos Santanna. The man can do things with a guitar that no one has ever done! Listen to his music sometime.This man just "knows" things...I don't know how he knows,he just does! What about Led Zepplin? Simply Amazing. How about Pink Floyd? Uriah Heep? Black Sabbath? Here's a good one; I hear parents carry on about Marilyn Manson---oh,they just can't trash him enough! Little advice folks,SHUT UP!!! M.M. has done NOTHING that a young rocker named "Alice Cooper" hasn't already done nearly 30 years ago.

         I'm just saying this;there were so many innovators in the field of rock-n-roll,why is one man singled out for the title of "King"? It just seems like a lot of empty hype to me.Elvis might have been good in the movies,but "King" of rock-n-roll? I think he should be amongst yourselves.

         Questions,comments,abusive remarks? Let's hear them! You know where to find me.....

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

The Duality of Man(and Woman)

      The subject line is"the duality of man(and woman). What the hell does that mean??? Well,take a seat my children,and I will explain.

         I have had this gizmo('puter) for just over a year. I know it better than I know me.And I know the people on-line...better than they think. I have a friend who IM's me sometimes.I can tell everytime this friend has been drinking! There is a difference in their typing,and the pauses in their typing. This friend will often acknowledge the fact that they have been drinking,so it is fun to know if I am right or not!

         I go to "chat-rooms" just to watch the chatter. You want some fun??? Let a bunch of kids get in one! The amount of cussing that goes on is phenomenal! You can  always tell just about how old they are by the words that they use.I love to watch the older ladies in the game-rooms talking to each other...they have seen it all,and will not be fooled by anyone.The next category is the housewives---here is the real fun. If they are at work,they often find men on-line to talk a little dirty to! Nothing serious; mostly suggestions,and inuendos...just sort of soft-core porn. Just barely "R" rated. It's fun to watch. These same women at home that evening will talk to their friends about work,school,hubby...whatever.

         Now,for the men. If you look closely enough,you can tell a man's age,marital status,and maybe income,by watching a long conversation with a female.I have seen so many guys talk to a female for a long time,and then "blow it" by saying something stupid.Either they are married,and pretending not to be,or they are single,and hopelessly stupid. Example: Young guy talking to young girl,all goes well for about 30 minutes. Girl brings up how "one of her friends" is trying to make a decision about a guy.Here is where the young guy blows it----" I swear,I will never understand women".  What???? I think someone just shot themselves in the foot!!

          If you have some time to kill,just go to some of these chat-rooms,and see for yourselves. You don't have to speak,just watch. Sort of like a voyeur....

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Equal Oppurtunity for All

     OK,I bet some of you are thinking...what kind of girls did he "date". Keep in mind that most of the girls I "dated" were just one night deals--never serious. We both used each other for what we needed! What kind of women were they?

       All kinds! Big,little,pretty,not so pretty,I didn't care! My philosophy on this matter was...this ain't fishing,don't throw anything back! Look to the left of this writing...see that other writing? Look near the bottom,where it says that I lived everyday like it was my last....get it now?

        Also,I believe this little saying....we are not put here to see through each other,we are put here to see each other through! I didn't make this one up....too bad,I wish I had! I look past the outside of someone. Looks do not mean a good person. I have met some people who were so shallow,that if they were a puddle,a piss-ant couldn't drown in them. If you saw me on the street,most of you would instantly think,"mean,rough,stay away from that". And that is just how I look; but after reading this,I hope you know that there is so much more.

        Some of my on-line friends know me as a warrior poet. I am also one of only two moderators at a very cool web-site! The other moderator is a lovely person,female. She worries far too much what she looks like....she is beautiful just as she is. I call her "sage" all of the time,she is great at helping people that she has never even met. I am not allowed to put up web-sites here,even though we don't sell anything. Just E-mail me if you want the site...I am there every day before I am here.

                                    Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

The meaning of it All-----

        I have some questions for all of you. These may help you to understand me better. I know that I come off like a really mean,tough hard-ass,and I am. But here are a few things that you might want to know.

        Have you ever watched the sun go down? I don't mean while you were rushing to and fro'. I mean actually sit down,with the express intent of WATCHING the sun go down? The same goes for watching the sun come up. Have you ever laid out under the stars,looking up,and wondered,what is out there? Have you ever been in the woods,"just to be there"? Have you ever tried to write poetry,no matter how bad it was? Have you ever even READ any poetry...other than what you "had" to in school?

        Have you ever watched the waves come in on a beach,and wondered how it all works? The wind,the waves,the birds,the trees,the flowers,a small child's laugh,a dog's bark,a cat's meow,your partner's light kiss,merely a touch,like a whisper in the night. The roar of a good bike between your legs,the song of freedom that the tires sing on the highway,the smell of the exhaust,or oil,or chain-grease. These are things that cannot be described---you MUST experience them. I have,and I can say that I am a better person for it.

         I could go on forever-love,heartbreak,loss of a loved one,or friend. These are all experiences that make us who we are....good,bad,or indifferent. These things shape us,mold us,bring us through this life. If you haven't experienced any of these things,then,by all means,please do. What is the cost? Nothing. But the return is worth every effort that you will make!

                         Holla' If You Hear Me!!!!

Monday, April 19, 2004

A Personal Note

        I have noticed that more and more people are reading what I write. COOL!  I want to thank everyone who "tunes in". I wish more than anything else to help someone learn from my experiences. No,I am not a "head doctor". And as always,kids,I don't even portray a doctor on tv!!!

         Here is a bonus for my "die-hard" fans. You can write to me at this Just be sure you put "journal" in the subject line,otherwise,it might get tossed out. I have a very mean firewall,so does aol. My spam controls are very strict,also,so I need to see "journal" in the subject line,kids!

           Everyone is equal to me...I will answer ANY letter that I get. But be fore-warned; I might not give the answer that you want to hear. But I will do my best to answer you in a LOGICAL manner,and quickly,if I can. If you are a teen-ager,please don't ask me for advice...if you have been reading this,then you know how my life went! There are more competent people out there to help you,believe me!

           Don't get me wrong,I like kids....they make good footstools!!! Just a joke,folks,settle down. I would never use a kid for a footstool,they wear out too quickly!!!! Better to just use an old stump! Have a good'un,folks!

The Reason For All of This

       First,let me appoligize to my loyal fans---I missed Saturday,and  Sunday,I know. This weekend,I was busier than a one-legged man at an a$$ kickin' contest. Between the wife's b/day,and BOTH grandchildren,I was wiped out!. But thanks for sticking with me!

         Now,the reason for all of this. If you are a teen-ager,and are reading this,here is some good advice. Please don't be like me!! I can't stress this too much.There are many places to go for help now days. If You can read this,please reach out to someone. It doesn't mean that you are weak...that is a tough,unforgiving world out there. There are lots of people who don't care if you draw your last breath in front of them; there are many who will even help this along. You don't need to fight everyday,you are not an animal!

         Even if you have left home,look at your life; do you REALLY want to be like me? I can't go anywhere with my family,and be happy. I am constantly looking around,watching,always on guard. If you see me,you WILL look into my eyes; because I will most certainly be staring into yours! Most people just pass you without so much as a glance. Not me. I stare right into peoples eyes,I get to know that person in three seconds...if they quickly look away,then they are no problem. It is the ones who stare back that are dangerous. I am not the only one like me  out there! There are others,you only need look,and go on instinct.

            This constant "on alert" status takes it's toll. I am one of the most paranoid people that I know. Nothing moves around me without me knowing about it. I am almost as insane as my mother,and with good reason...I grew  up like an animal. Society created the perfect is only a matter of time untill that monster is unleashed upon that very society. I fight this urge literally everyday. So,don't be like me...get help. I don't want to meet anymore of the strangers who stare back at me...because they ARE ME!!!

Friday, April 16, 2004

Trying to think of one

           I have had a few people write to me on my E-mail asking,"when do you get back to you?" Well,I don't consider ME to be so important! If you pay attention,you will realize that this entire exorcise(pun intended) is about my life. That is going to include some other people---so calm down,you will find out more about me.

         When last we left our "hero",he had a new wife,and was living back in Mississippi.I worked in factories here. I never got rich,far from it. According to the IRS,my best year,I made only $18,000. This includes working 60 hour weeks,every week. I have never owned a new car---never had the money. I drive a 20 year old Cadillac right now!

           Did I bitch and moan about it? No. I found "other" ways to make money at the factories......seems everyone needs to borrow money at some time. I was there. You borrow from me Any day of the week,you owe me the initial loan,plus 50% by Friday. Same scam,different players! What worked up north,worked here. I only ever had to "pursuade" a couple of fella's before everyone caught on......If I don't get paid my money,then you and I had a "quiet talk" out back of the factory.

            Funny story: One guy borrows from me,and secretly tells his "friends" he has no intention of re-paying me. Come Friday,he comes to me,with his friends,and tells me he will not pay. Seeing that I was out-numbered,I decided to wait for a better time. I told him he WOULD pay me.Well,he liked to carry a pistol with him,and he had no problem showing it to me,to make his point. I am not about to die for a few dollars from a damn redneck. I waited. And waited. And waited some more. I don't like to be harsh......who am I kidding,that is a lie,I love being harsh.

          Finally,he came to work one day,and I noticed he was walking better. He had left his gun at home!!! I knew this because he wore an ankle holster. I grabbed him,stuffed him out a back door,and proceeded to show him the "benefits" of paying your bills on time. I left him lying on the ground,beaten,bloody. And just for meanness----I told him to keep the money,it wasn't important. I had gotten what I came for!

Thursday, April 15, 2004

What Really Pi$$es me off!

      What really pisses me off----critics! That's right,those snooty,snobby,nose-stuck-up-in-the-air pretentious sons-of-bitches who think they have the right to give judgement on a piece of something that someone else worked their ass off to make!!!!  Whew! I think that went rather well!

     I love art,paintings,movies,cartoons,music,all of it. What I don't like is the "critics",who have NEVER done anything but complain,and whine about everything! Can you imagine? You get paid to sit around and bitch about everything?? What a good life! I put all critics right down with....I can't. I truly can't think of anything lower than a critic.

     The ones that cheese me off the most? The ones who can JUST LOOK at a painting,and say that they can "see" the artist's feelings!!! I didn't know that the label "critic" also included "mind reader!!??". If you are a critic,and you are reading this...I hope you are offended,you "muts"!!!!!!! I just can't stand people like you...You are just so pretentious! You try (and sometimes succeed)to "break" an artist,just because YOU don't like them!?!? Bite Me!!!  Oh,and as usual,this is just the opinion of one slightly crazed man,and I would in no way advocate ANY violence,or adverse action against ANY critic.

Music,Sweet Sweet Music!!!

         First off,I would like to say "thanks" to the people at aol who keep the music going!!! Now,I have heard a scientist say that man started to conquer the world as soon as he learned to sit firmly on the back of a horse. Not so,as far as I am concerned! When the first caveman,or cavewoman,struck a hollow log with a stick,or antler,or horn from some great beast,then we learned to conquer the world!

           Don't believe me? How many ancient civilizations used drums to communicate? Aha! Forgot about that,didn't you? Well,I didn't! That is why I am help you! Nearly every civilization in ancient Africa used drums for communications. Vikings? Same deal! American Indians? You guessed it!

             I can listen to Jimmy Buffet,and go back in time. I can hear Bob Dylan,and go farther back! I can hear a song,and remember exactly what I was doing the very first time I heard it. I can hear a song,and remember WHO I was with when I first heard it. Example: Ever hear the  song "Sad Eyes" by Robert Johns? (not sure about the artist). Well,it was playing the first time me and my ex-wife spent the night together,and was playing when we woke up in the morning!!!

          Conversely,ANY song from Air Supply "belongs" To me and my current wife. I have also heard it said that smell is the best trigger for memories.....I wouldn't bet on it!!! Have a good un' folks!!!!

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Why So Angry???

      I was listening to some of my 12 year old's music the other day.....can't say as I like it. All the young guys in the band did was scream! They hate everyone,gonna' kill everyone,always so angry.....why? Kids these days have so much! I wish I had HALF of the gizmos they have,when I was growing up.What is so bad about growing up right now? Is this "teen Angst"? Let's hope so; maybe it is just a phase.

         It isn't just the music,either. I see teenage kids in a store whining like two-year-olds. Just do like my mom would do....smack the stuffing out of them!!! Just about two years ago,a young man of about 17,or 18 got mad at me. He,and a few of his friends came down my street,professing just how badly they would beat me when they got here. My wife said to come in the house,and "let them be" Translation---don't hurt the kids.

       That just wasn't working for me! I stood in my driveway,assured my wife that I wouldn't kill anyone of them,and waited. I wanted him to get right up to me,I REALLY wanted to break something very painful on him. He needed to learn some respect,and I figured who better to teach him?

          Evidently,the walk down the street gave him some time to cool off....he,and his friends,never quite made it to my house. Hmmmmm,his momma didn't raise no fool! He never again insulted me,or spoke out of turn to me,never. Too bad,I could have taught him a few things.......quickly.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

The Real Thing

     "A thing is never real untill it is written down,then you give it a life".A friend said this to me once.He said it was OK to speak of a thing....speaking is such a fleeting thing.But writing something you have given the thing life. That can be either good,or bad.

         I guess that is why I started this,the story of me.To make it real,to give it a give ME a life.When I am gone,very few people will recall anything about me,except family,and children. But now,far more people will have known about me,and my it good,or bad.Interesting or not.

        Once,while doing some "business" with a character that I didn't know(this goes against all of my "rules of surviving"),things took a turn for the worse when he produces a gun.Seems he wasn't satisfied with the terms of our business.Having been outdrawn,I waited to see where this went.I was not un-armed,but knew that going for my piece would result in an awful headache for me!

        This guy told me to beg him not to kill  me,and he would let me live! There are very few things in this world that I will beg "life" is not one of those things.I don't know if it was my sudden outburst of laughter,or the fact that he didn't know me very well,but this guy swore that I was insane! No one laughs with a gun in their face! Well,no one but me.Since he was distracted,I decided to pull out my "equalizer".I spoke no words,simply motioned for him to leave.He did.....quickly.

           After this encounter,it was quickly spread around that I "just didn't give a damn!".I hope by now,some of you have caught on.......

You Voted!!!!!!

       I asked last week if anyone wanted pictures,and the votes are in!! The response was overwhelming. I never thought so many people were reading! Well,I put up three pictures-the first(eagle)stands for integrity. The second(skull&crossbones)stands for the biker way of life. The third is obviously me,so,enjoy,or throw darts at your desk-top! I know that it is backwards---I flipped it in my computer,and everything came out backwards. I really need to learn to use the photo-software,someday.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

THE Day---

        Today is my birthday....44 years ago tonight at 11:30 pm.,I started this amazing journey that has brought me to this point in time! And what a ride it has been.You have only scratched the surface of my life by reading these journal entries. There is so much that I have left out; you can read it in my book,if I had a book!

         I have heard people,and doctors say,awww,how could someone go through all of that,and still be around? Remember way back at the beginning when I told you that my mother hated ALL of her children? She often told us she wished we were dead. Well,I made up my mind to REALLY make her mad,and survive! It's the only thing I could think of to really hurt her;live to tell my story,and pray that she finally realizes just what kind of MONSTER she is. Enough of that,today is MY day.

          I will spend the day quietly,and will not celebrate. The reason for this is because my wife's birthday is next week,April 17.That's right,just one week after mine. We usually wait,and celebrate on HER birthday. We celebrate not only our birthday's,but our time together here on this rock that we call Earth.There is nothing I would not do for her,and she knows it.

          Right now,we are in the process of buying a car.......UGH!! Why can't people just say what they mean,instead of all of this back-and-forth crap!? It should be perfectly legal to choke the crap out of car salesmen! My wife keeps reminding me that it isn't........and I keep losing salesmen!

             OK,choice time----some want a photo,some don't.Cast your vote,and we will go from there.Keep in mind,I am just what your mother warned you against when you were young.......

Friday, April 9, 2004

Back In Time(again!)

        Just to go back for a little while,I would like to relate a story to you. This is a quick little thing,but I think it demonstrates just how determined I could be at times.

         I was about 17,and caught out late at night, I was coming back from a bar,and was walking,my bike was at home,and I was alone.I knew I would leave this bar drunk,so I elected to walk,it was only a few blocks from my apartment,anyway,and the weather was nice this night.OK,enough set-up. So,I leave the bar,and am stopped by four young men from one of the local gangs. These guys were my age,my size,and had the same hungry look in their eyes that I had. I knew what was going to happen;but I also knew that I had some control over how it would happen.

           I was told to produce my wallet.I paused at this,and asked the young man that was doing the talking if he had enough people to see this action through? He asked me if I was crazy.To this,I said that I thought that I was quite sane,and if he wanted my money,he would have to work for it.I would not simply "give it up",to do so might have cost me more than just my wallet. This wasn't personal,this was business to them,and to me. I didn't hate them,they were just trying to survive. I just didn't agree with their methods.They picked the wrong person that night........

             I drew first blood,since there were four of them it was sort of an un-written rule that I went first.The "leader" struck back,and things went from bad to worse. Did I win? C'mon,you kiddin' me? Weren't you paying attention? There were four of them! What I did win was a small measure of respect.A few days later,I met them again. I didn't run,I stood my ground. The one who asked for my wallet from before,looked at me,then nodded,and they went on.Would the guys in the motorcycle gang have taken care of them? Yes,they were dying to! I wouldn't let them...I always fought my own fights,and still do.

A New Start

      So now we are somewhere around 1982,april to be exact. I was back from Army training,and jobs are still scarce. No worries,I learned a trade in the if I could just find some tanks running around that need servicing! That's right,I was a tank mechanic! I never said I was a genius....

       You may be reading this thinking"did I miss something,or did he skip some stuff?". Of course I skipped some stuff! I will not give names,or locations,or implicate myself,or anyone else in any wrongdoings.Some people would like to remain unknown,and I respect that.By virtue of who they are,some people might want to do me harm if I were to name them,or put them at specific places,at certain times. I VERY MUCH respect those people's privacy!

         Anyway,I am back from the army,mowing my yard.Next door is this cute little girl sitting in a window......yeah,I know. I never learn. She comes over and introduces herself. Being as cool as I am,I say "ok,nice to meet you". Just like that,like I wasn't interested. Of course,when she walked away,some of the stuff I was thinking I am fairly sure is illegal in most of the 50 states!!!!!!

         Since my marriage was shot,and I was just waiting for the final papers,I figured "what the hell,you only live once!". I went to meet this girl. That was 22 years ago,and I still wake up next to her every morning. I always wonder how the hell I finally got so lucky! We have raised two daughters,the oldest has graduated high-school(with honors!),and the youngest is 12 years old,and still at home. Yes,I have grandchildren,two of them. Acute little girl of almost four years,and a "new" grandson,about three months old.

           Through all of the fighting,scraping,clawing,death-defying time I spent in my life,it took a simple little country girl to tame the monster in me. She has never treated me wrong,and I try to give her all the freedom she wants. I encourage her to try new things,I never try to hold her down. I would rather she soar with Eagles,than crawl with turtles on the ground! There are lots of things that I will never understand,but there is ONE thing I DO know about. And that is being kicked around,and put down. I would never do that to my "Ladybug".

Thursday, April 8, 2004

The End of an Era

       The events of the last entry put us squarely into 1978.I had given my bike back to the guys,Steve had gone out west,and I had this new girlfriend,and a new job. Of all things,I was a security guard! Malls,concerts,banks,and libraries were my new hangouts. It was good money,and my girl was expecting a child.Only thing was,we weren't married.......hmmm.

       This problem was easily solved in January of '79,only one month before our daughter was born.Well,at least HER daughter. After the birth,I found out I was lied to in the worst way.You couldn't blame the kid,she didn't ask to be put in that situation.God knows,I knew all about things like that. The mother,however,I could blame,and frequently did.None of this was gonna turn out good. I figured God wasn't finished "messin'" with me yet.

      We stayed married for about two years.She would cheat on me,and I would do the same to her.Jobs got scarce,so I joined the Army.December of  '81,I left home for South Carolina.I saw the same look in her eyes that I saw in Steve's eyes just three years before. I knew I would never see her again;I was right.I got into the Army reserves,and came back to Mississippi,to fight the divorce. She went back to Michigan to get her divorce.It worked.

       Michigan is one of those states where the woman can be having sex on the judge's bench,drunk,and selling drugs in the court-room,and STILL get awarded everything,even the children from a marriage! It sucks.Oh,yeah,God wasn't finished "messing" with me yet."Suck it up,this s&*t happens";my uncle's words were ringing in my ears."Be a man,and walk tall",was his other favorite advice. The divorce was quick,and bloody;for me anyway. Things were about to turn around for me,I just didn't know it. God was about to pitch me a good one----one that I could hit out of the park. And,yes,it was another girl that he would put in my path.You think I would learn.........more later.

A Free Spirit

     It's late,and I want to write,so forgive me. Sometimes,when we weren't working,my uncle Steve wanted something "recreational" to do. So,he found a guy with a hang-glider for sale. We went in together,and actually bought this contraption! We should have stuck to bikes. We had NO concept of flying this thing. After a few bumps,and bruises,sprains,and torn ligaments,we got it figured out.

         And what a wonder it was! I cannot even begin to describe the awesome feeling of flying hundreds of feet above the ground. No sound,no motors,just you,and the flapping of the fabric on the glider.I believe I spent some of my most serene moments in the air,on that glider. Shortly after this,my uncle and I parted ways.

          There were no problems,I had just met a girl that I was spending a lot of time with,and Steve wanted to go out west. I was,by now,18,and well on my own.I told Steve to go west,and follow his dreams.He had done a good job "raising" me. I could more than fend for myself,and there was the matter of this new girl,with me.

        Under the watchful eye of my uncle,I had more than learned to survive on the streets,I had learned to live on my own,and he knew it.A few days later,he came over to my place,looked long and hard at me,then punched me in the arm. I knew he was going,and I would probablly never see him again.We never said "goodbye",we always said "later". Goodbye is for when someone dies. Steve got in his truck,and drove west,out of the city,and out of my life. I have never lost a better friend;I have never had another like him.

         My new girlfriend asked,"who was that"? I told her it would take a lifetime to explain.....she never understood.That was too bad;we only get one friend like that per lifetime.I hope some of you have a friend like him,just once in your God,I thought more of him than I did my own brothers. I haven't seen him since...I don't even know where he lives.I have always hoped he found what he was searching for. I did,but it wasn't with the girl I was dating right then........more later

School,or the lack Thereof.....

          School....crap. No one at school ever taught me how to shoot pool,work on bikes,hustle guys at bars,or anything that I needed to survive! What about math? This is the math that I knew;If I loan you money on monday,and you don't pay me my money,plus 15% by friday,you got your ass kicked! That was my math. You bring me parts that are "hot",I give you 25 cents on the dollar for them.That was my math.

      What about history? Hell,if you never burned me on parts or money,then we had a good "history". Science? Boring the jugs of an engine 15 over gave it more horsepower! Adding spacer-plates under the jugs lengthened the stroke,and added still more horsepower! Biology and anatomy? That's what "chicks" were for!

        Uh-oh,I said  "chicks". That is what we called girls....chicks,and foxes,trim.If you want to see something that is politically correct,then you wouldn't be here! All of the guys in the club were "brothers",or "bro",to each other.Everyone else were "civilians".They didn't count for much,if anything at all. We had some "civies" who were good for some things....they were "familliars",and we used them for what we needed. This is how I grew up,this is how I lived,this is how I survived!

        I never needed any "social workers","case managers","counselors",or any of that crap. I had "Mentors" before it was cool. Yes,I learned to steal,a lot. You do what you have to. How many of you reading this have ever gone without food for about three days at a time? I have.I can tell you,it isn't any fun.I have a battered footlocker that I have had since I was about 16. It has no function,it is completely useless now. At one time in my life,everything I owned fit in it----I only keep it to remind me of where I came from. It could have been any one of you,but it was me;I took the opportunity to learn from it. 'Till next time we speak...........

Back to the Past

    OK,kids,some people have been grumblin' that I have gotten off the track,so here we go. When my "scooter" was finished,I had no driver's license. Too young. Not a problem! On long weekend runs,the guys would just put me in the middle of the pack....for two reasons. The first reason;no license. Number two reason;to keep me from straying from the pack. I had a tendency to do that.

      I was served beer in bars at 14 years old. And I did it without ever being asked for ID. It was easy.My uncle told me to walk in like I owned the place! Say "hi" to a few people,shake a few hands,then order the kind of beer that I wanted. He told me to never just walk in and sit in the back,like I was hiding! To this day,I have never been "carded" in my life.

     To have some fun,the guys would let me get drunk,and then offer me money to pick someone,and see if I could knock them off a bar-stool with only one punch. They would usually pull the guy off of me before he could do too much damage! There were a few guys that I was able to knock off a bar-stool with one punch: there were far too many that I couldn't. Those were the ones that would do the most damage! What the hell,it was my "formative" years...or the "learning" years. I learned to fight even better in this enviroment,and believe it or not,I loved it! I seemed to thrive in this kind of thing.....go figure!

Wednesday, April 7, 2004

What Have We Come To?

           When I was growing up,I knew about "gay" people. I didn't know any personally,but I knew of them. I never really gave it any thought,untill recently. Back then,folks kept it quiet,no one knew about it. These days,people shout it from the roof-tops!

           Hey,I always say,"do your own thing",as long as it doesn't harm anyone else. What you do at home is your business,just don't go telling me about it. It seems like these days,if you aren't "gay",it is almost a crime. It looks like everyone in Hollywood is "gay". This is not "gay-bashing". I don't care what you are,just quit telling everyone! And,while we are at it----Gay Marriage is just is NOT a "normal" marriage.

          I know that this will make the gay community mad as hell,and I appoligize,but these are just the opinions of one man. Does anyone really believe that adopting children,and bringing them up in a home with two same-sex persons is a good thing? I am not a religous man,never have been. But,come on,I believe there are two sexes for a reason. How would we propagate otherwise? Everywhere in nature(amongst mammals),there are TWO I missing something??? Questions,comments,abusive remarks? Let's hear them!

Tuesday, April 6, 2004

Why Are We Here?

Why are we here? I once had a school principal to ask me that during one of my MANY trips to his office. Seems I was there a lot. So,I said to him "why are any of us here"? Needless to say,he was not amused! But,as I look back on my life,I see many times when I should have died,and didn't. Now,don't get me wrong,I am glad to still be breathing.

            Someone told me the other day that I am still here because I have a purpose in this life. I have yet to find that purpose. Is it to tell my story here? Why,who cares? Why should ANYONE care? Some think that I had it rough growing up...not me! Try telling your principal that you need to leave early on a Friday,and he says "no". Then,just stand there and wait untill 50 Harleys descend onto the school,and every one of their riders comes to that principal's office!!!  There WERE advantages to running with a bunch of bikers!

              OK,enough of that. Back to my question "why are we here?". Some will say that they have a job to do,and they tirelessly go to this job everyday. That's sad,really sad. Have we nothing more to live for? Some will say "for family". But is it really? Is that all? I see on my keyboard a button that says "Esc.". I have been told that it is the "Escape" button. Oh,would that it were true!!!!  I use it all of the time,and get nowhere!

            Well,what about Heaven?? After you die??? Doesn't that kind of suck? Without saying too much about Religion,I hope we go out among the stars! And it only happens after we die....this seems futile,at best. Why can we not go to "a higher plane" while we still exist???

              I don't have the answers,and I am speculating here,but I would say that few others do,either. Questions,comments,abusive remarks? Let's hear them!!!

Monday, April 5, 2004

Finishing The Story xxx

      When last we left our intrepid biker,he was trying to match wits with "The Dark Prince". Was he winning? Let's see about that.

           "OK,so if you can't grant even one of my wishes,then you don't get my soul". To this the thin man responds,"yes". "Well",starts the biker,"can you go to the Moon?'. "Yes" says the thin man."Well,can you go to any planet,or galaxy that you want to?",says the biker. "And while we are at it,can you find your way back from all of these places",inquires the biker.  " I can find my way back from anywhere in this universe,or any other,my friend" boasts the thin man. "Make your final wish,and stop wasting my time with petty questions" seethes the thin man.

            "Well,for my final wish,I wish for you to get lost",cackled the biker!  Knowing he had been beat,the thin man showed his true form,and screamed at the biker "we WILL meet again,and you shall not be so lucky".  "I can't wait,Devil,I can't wait" laughed the biker,as he gunned the engine on his new bike. He felt lucky......and he knew he had plenty of money to last him!

The Oldest Biker Story Ever Told(it isn't true) xxx

   This is called "The oldest Biker Story". It goes like this. There is an old biker out west,in the desert,at night. He rumbles across the desert,the big V-Twin gently rockin' him to sleep. All of a sudden,he is snapped back to reality,as the bike beneath him shudders,then dies. He coasts to a stop.The blackness of the night is infinite,and closing in around him quickly. No flashlight,no headlight,no electrics at all on the bike;everything is as dead as the scene around him.

         "Great",he thinks out loud." Screw it",he says to no one in particular,and lights a smoke from his worn out vest. All of a sudden,he hears a voice behind him "Maybe I can Help". The voice is male,and kind of strange. He turns to find a slim man,sort of glowing red. " I know who you are",snorts the biker. " Please,please,no need to get testy my friend,of course you know who I am!"."Lets dispense with the 'formalities',and get down to business." "You know the deal,three wishes,and I get your immortal soul when you finally go down for the last time".  "Standard Deal",says the thin man.

        The biker thinks for a minute,then says;"I want a new V-Rod,completely tricked out". The thin man says "OK,done". The biker looks down,and he is sitting on a new Harley V-Rod. He fires it up,the new engine screams into the black night;he shuts it off. "Now I want to never need money for the rest of my life,to be rich". "Done",says the thin man. The biker now looks him squarely in the eyes,and asks"if you can't grant ANY of my wishes,You don't get my soul?".  "That's right",the thin man responds.

            Continued in next entry....

The What,You Know the Who!

           Since you know WHO I am,let's find out WHAT I am. I am 5' 10" tall,not really big. I weigh 250 pounds. I have a 46" chest,and 16 inch biceps. I can snap 2x4's with only one kick,and can break about 8  1x8 boards stacked together. Bragging? No,I am simply trying to tell you what I am like,and without stretching it,or sandbaggin'.

         I did a little time in the Army(lost first wife there),and have also wrestled professionally for a time. I fear no man living,yet I refuse to go up against my 5'2" wife! I have learned in 22 years of marriage that women truly CAN make life,nay,LIVING,extremely painful when they choose to do so. I still love her,at least that is what she tells me.

         Sense of humor?? Still got it! I told my wife that I promised her fireworks,and parades on every anniversary;I kept that promise,I married her on the fourth of July!!!!!! Honest to goodness,that is our anniversary! On our 20th anniversary,I had an arrangement specially desinged for her. I did the designing,and the girls at the flower shop were only too glad to do it for me.(sometimes I worked for them).

        My wife loves birds,and pink roses. So,I had  20 pink roses,and 20 white doves(settle down,they were artificial!),in an arrangement for her. When you find someone that you would do this for,then you have found your "soul-mate",for life. I swear,I wouldn't trade that girl for TWO good mules! Excuse me,what was that? Did you say three mules........oh,she said I had better pass!!!!

Sunday, April 4, 2004

Luck Of The Draw xxx

      One bright,sunny day,Steve says;"hey,kid,lets put some crash bars on your bike,up front.". Some guys call them "highway bars". A lot of guys call them "trainer bars". I was in the latter group. I put up a little fuss,but if you have read "A Challenge",then you know it was just a "little fuss". So,the bars went on,no matter what I said about it. Looking back,my uncle was just trying to save me from a lot of you'll soon see.

        OK,so I endure LOTS of ribbing from the guys in the "club",and I mean LOTS. Some of them even offer to put some small wheels on my "crash bars" for me....haha. Oh,yeah,this was going great! Even on weekend runs,all of the guys would spread out,so "there was room for my training bars". This was getting out of hand,and quickly!

           OK,so one day I go to see my girl,and decide to take the highway.It was a nice summer day,kind of hot. I started not to wear my "leathers" that day,but quickly decided against that. If you go down on the road,your leathers are the only thing between your skin,and hot pavement at 60 miles per hour. Nice cruising weather,and I was listening to the throbbing of the big V-Twin between my legs.I could hear the tires singing their song of freedom on the roadway. Everything on the planet was in tune with me...except the old lady in the Ford LTD quickly gaining on my back fender!

        Nothing wakes you up like getting nailed from behind by a large car at 60 mph!!! My bike went down instantly! My uncle not only installed those bars on my bike,he also told me how to ride out a crash! When the bike FINALLY stopped sliding,I took stock of myself---all there. Next,the bike---some serious "road rash",but,basically,still driveable. The old lady? Never stopped! I never hated those bars ever again!

A Challenge xxx

       Alright! I hear ya' screamin';so I missed a day.  Boo-Hoo! Settle down, I am back now,so quit your cryin'. Today's title is "A Challenge",and so it will be.

         One thing you must know about a bunch of bikers: You NEVER challenge one of the members in front of the other "brothers". It just doesn't happen. If it does,things get ugly very quickly! I learned this the hard way,one day.This was one of those "life-lessons";the ones that usually involved LOTS of pain.

          Seems I had a dispute with my uncle about some stupid s$%t,I can't even remember what it was.Steve(my uncle)had warned me on the way to the "clubhouse" that night to shut-up about it. I just couldn't let it go...again,I can't seem to recall just why I needed to press the issue.But press it I did.

            As it happened,I just couldn't keep it in any longer,and it came out of me in the form of a challenge,right in front of everyone else! Looking back,I was ill prepared to back up my challenge,but it was too late. The gauntlet was thrown down,my uncle MUST pick it up;even if it was me. From the time I opened my mouth,I was doomed.

        Steve gave me the first shot at him;it was the last one I would get that night.It wasn't even a fight---just a quick,clean,nasty a$$-whuppin'. It only took about three minutes,but it felt like three years.Steve never said he was sorry;he shouldn't have. I was the one who said I wanted to be treated like a man;that is just what I got that night.

        Ahhh,those "life-lessons";I am so glad that they only need to be learned just the one time! More later.

Friday, April 2, 2004

Why Is This Important xxxx

        OK,so who is this guy? Why should we care what he writes? You shouldn't care! If you don't want to read this,put something else into your browser,and go off and enjoy that lush portal that we call the "Internet"! In the grand scheme of things,I am no one,nothing,unknown. I tend to like it that way. I have a very small circle of family,and it will remain that way.

           Remember at the first when I said that my mother was insane?Everyday for me is a fight to not end up like her. Over the years,I have become evermore distrustful of people in general. I hate everyone that I don't know. If my wife can get me to leave home for awhile,I keep an eye on everyone that we come into contact with. I cannot be in a crowd of people without getting highly agitated,sweating,nervous,and then I have to go away from the people for awhile.

          I think this all reflects on how I grew up.I cover myself by saying I am just being "careful". I will not shake hands with people....hugs are TOTALLY out of the question! There are only about five people who can touch me,and I would like to keep it at that.

          I am not one of those people who are afraid of germs.  I just don't like to get too close to people.Seems I was always losing people growing up.You don't have to be Sigmund Freud to figure that one out,but it seems that the different "shrinks" that I have been to can't seem to get it....I think they paid far too much for their "education".

Full Circle (x)

    You thought I was going to cut you off right there,didn't you? But you just had to come back to see. Now,why would I do that to you? If you thought that was all,then you haven't been paying attention! You must be thinking;"this guy is yankin' our chain",he couldn't have possibly lived through all of this crap! Well,I did,and I believe I am a better person for having gone through it. Not better than anyone else,or "above" them,just better.

           I may seem to have a good sense of humor after all of this.Let me tell you,I had a great sense of humor DURING all of this. I learned at an early age that being funny can keep you from getting your butt kicked a lot of times! Except with cops....those guys have NO sense of humor!

        Funny story. I and a friend were on his bike one night,drunk.....blind drunk. We made a "pit stop" at the side of the road,when a Michigan State Trooper (the MAN),pulls up.He exits his cruiser,and asks "who is piloting this vehicle". After we quit laughing about my buddy being a "pilot",we tell him who is driving. The officer thinks my friend is far too drunk to "pilot this vehicle". The trooper then asks me if I can walk a line. I tell him That I can walk any line my friend can draw!!!! Bad career move. We spent the weekend in jail. We will speak more,later.

Thursday, April 1, 2004

The Obvious Questions......(x)

    Sit down in the back,and put your hands down. I know exactly what you want to ask. Hey,john,did you do drugs,or drink?? Don't be stupid,poindexter. Let's figure this out rationally. I had NO parents around. My uncle who was taking care of me was a biker. My grandmother thought I could do NOTHING wrong! Now,did I drink? If it came in a bottle or can,it went down me! Did I do drugs? If you could shoot it,snort it,smoke it,or swallow it,I did it! Let me say right uncle NEVER bought me hard liquor,and NEVER gave me drugs. Those were my decisions,make no mistake about that!

       OK,send the kids out of the room. Next obvious question....what about girls?  C'mon,it was the '70's! Think back,all you had to do was look at a girl,and you got what you wanted. I have known many girls,and women,some twice my age! Seems I found something else I was good a young age.OK,enough of that,it sounds too much like bragging,and that isn't good.

         I am trying to keep this fairly clean,so at some places,you will just have to use your imagination.I will not tell you WHY we took trips to Mexico once a month. I will not tell you how some of our guys made money. And various other "nefarious" doings. I will tell you that I had about three and one half years of this,and met my first ex-wife. I gave my bike back to my uncle,and the men who helped build it. It was only fair,after all,they gave it to me. My bike went home,and I moved on to marriage.

          Wait,you mean that is it? A biker for about four years,and you are done???? Of course not! You never stop being in the brother hood. Some guys stay with the life untill they die.Some move on,but will always help a fellow brother anytime. I still look like a biker,always will. But my life went in a different direction. For all the old-timers;I am still a one percenter. Very few people will know what that means,those few are the lucky ones,the ones who will truly know me!

The Brother Hood (x)

        OK,I typed this entry once,hit a button,and sent it screaming off into the great beyond,never to be seen again! Which actually brings me to my next point. Don't read this and say,"Awww,he had it so tough growing up". Please don't do that. Everything that happened to me was a learning experience. Some of them were what I call "life lessons". These were the kind that you only needed to learn once to remember. These usually included large amounts of pain.

           OK,so now I am in.I have to learn quickly.I am never treated like a child,and I don't want to be. I am treated like a man,and I am expected to act accordingly. I do,at all times. You can't slip around these guys,they will eat you for breakfast. I quickly realize this,and it helps me in the long-run.

            I work with my uncle at a car shop,where we work on imported cars;Mercedes,Porsche,Volkswagen,you name it. After work,I work in my uncle's garage on motorcycles. He rides Harleys,but he works on any kind,so do I. I have another plan.....I need a bike. For that,I need money. We start with a scrapped frame with an engine in it. It is a Sportster. It is junk,but it is beautiful to me.

            Even the other guys pitch in with work,parts,money,beer,whatever is needed. In no time,the bike is finished. This is the FIRST TIME in my life that someone has said"this is yours,this belongs to you,it will always be yours". I didn't know what to say! No one ever touched that bike without asking me first. All of us were like just didn't touch another man's bike without asking. But I was surprised.No one had ever respected me just for being me! I had proven myself at every turn to these men,and they respected me for it.

              I learned about loyalty,respect,and honor. Most of all,I learned about Integrity. You never "ratted out" a "brother". Do so,and someone might find your lifeless body under a heap of garbage. That is no way for a man to go out! The rules were simple.Stray from them,and pay for your mistakes.

Moving Once Again

       OK,here I am in Michigan. I won't tell exactly where,but it IS a city,and it is right on the banks of the mighty Lake Michigan. This I was intrigued by. I had never seen so much water,lighthouses,big ships! I used to go to the docks everyday to see the ships come in,and go out. I can't describe the feeling of watching those huge ships,I just don't have the words! I was truly amazed that a little boy from the country could ever see such things!

              OK,so here I am,in what would be my home for a few years. This is where I became a biker. I know,I know,we have finally arrived! Now, settle down,it still dosen't happen for a few days. So,my grandmother shows me around,and takes me to her son's house,my uncle Steve(mom's younger brother). I had met Steve when I was about eight years old. He stayed a few weeks with us. You have to know ONE thing about Steve;he was the coolest person I had ever known,he was a biker!

          Yes,my uncle Steve was a biker. I quickly formulated a plan,a very GOOD plan. If my mother could scheme,and control people,then it was time to use what I had learned from her! Steve kind of saw my point when I "mentioned" that maybe a thirteen year old boy could sometimes be "too much" for a grandmother to handle. He spoke to my grandmother,and she agreed,maybe I should spend some time around some men. Men like Steve,and his "motorcycle buddies",as she called them. My plan had worked,seems mother had taught me more than even she realized!

            I told Steve I wanted "in". I wanted to be part of the gang. No,you will never know the name of the gang,of that I can promise you. You will also never know what all I had to do to get my "in". I will tell you that I was a "prospect" for one year. After this time,I ran a gauntlet of men with leather straps---I  shouldn't say "ran";running meant failure. I got in,and was one of the youngest members!

          Now, see,I told you that we would get there,and we have. But hang on,'cause it REALLY gets wild from here! Here come some of the best years of my life!


Finally Getting Close

           The print on the last entry was too small,my fault. Funny thing,I guess I was kicked and beat so much when I was small,that whenever I screw up,I quickly say that it was my fault.....go figure.

             OK,so now I am in Missouri.Weird people,strange place,no friends,no help. Now things get ugly. Seems I had a great-uncle in town,Uncle Joe,who just happened to be the town sheriff.He came to the little shack of a school one day. He came right in,and asked me if I had had enough of my "dad"? Seems he was not very popular even in his own home town(my dad). I said "yes".We left the school immediately.My other two brothers didn't want to come,they liked the freedom to do as they pleased,I knew it was wrong.

            My "dad" pulled into the drive of the school,and told Uncle Joe that he would not leave there without me at his side.....big mistake.Joe got out of the police car,and drew his weapon. He then informed my dad that we WERE leaving,whether my dad was breathing or not. I left with my great uncle.

            Life on Joe's farm was what I was used to.Milking cows,feeding,taking care of the animals.....all of it. I loved it there,but Joe told me that my Grandmother from Michigan was coming to get me. He thought I could do better in better "Yankee" schools. I hated cities,still do. By now,I was about thirteen years old.My Grandmother showed,this is my mother's mother,my maternal grandmother.Quiet,my restless children,we will get there.I always keep my promises.

After The Storm

           This goes to the people who run AOL--- why don't we have the choice of "pensive",or "reflective" on the "mood" menu? Seems these would be logical choices......whatever. Enough complaining for one day.

          OK,so I survived "The Surprise",much to my mother's anger(she survived,by the way,much to MY anger).The next day,my stepfather arrived home(truck-driver,remember?). Seems my mom got to him first,so I was accused of attacking her first. Well,mom didn't raise stupid children.My stepdad found out real quick how many men were using his bed when he was out of town in his truck.....and there were a lot! I am no one's fool,I was not about to take a second beating,besides,I had kept quiet about it for far too long.

             At twelve years old,you don't realize that revenge is a double-edged sword. Seems my "revelations" caused an immediate breakup,then divorce. In the interim,my "real" dad showed up....kind of like magic! Looking back,it was no "accident" that he was in our town at the time. I had been played for a fool......the whole deal was just a set-up! My mother told me she KNEW I would tell all I knew,and my stepdad would leave.My real dad showed up with a U-Haul truck.My mom took everything,and three of us kids,and left for Missouri that night.

             My stepdad wasn't rich by any means,but where we were taken to was pure filth. These were "Mountain People" in every sense of the word! Animals in the houses,filthy homes,no electricity,no indoor plumbing----terrible. I never got used to it,I figured it was my lot in life,but I didn't have to like it! We are very close to the reason for me becoming a biker,VERY close!

             We lived with my dad's mother,my paternal grandmother. All I can say for her is....well,nothing. She drank to excess,she had two grown sons at home(30's) who were both retarded.Severely. Dangerously. Completely. Calm down,I see you getting restless in the back;we are getting there,I promise.