A Day In the Life Of----

So, how about a look into one day at my house? A couple of weeks ago, my oldest daughter was here with the grandchildren, Roze Marie, and Vinnie. She and my youngest were talking about who weighed what, so the bathroom scales found their way into our kitchen. Everything happens here in the kitchen, I have no idea WHY, just that it does!

 

      So the girls weigh, each in turn, and no, I will NOT post their weights. They both are so dammed skinny! Anyway, as you might guess, the little ones wanted a turn on the scales, too. I probably should mention at this point that these are the old scales, with the dial that rotates. Keep that in mind, please.  So then, after the little ones were finished, the only person left was me. "So, how much do you weigh, daddy?" I knew it was coming.

   

      Now, you need to picture my two daughters and two little grandchildren standing there with their heads down, and looking at the scale dial. Just before I stepped on the scales, I said, as a joke, "you guys may want to step back, as this thing will spin so fast that it will go up in flames"! Only rarely does EVERYTHING in the cosmos line up perfectly to make a "Kodak Moment". It happened on that day. The words had no more than left my mouth when each one of them took a step backwards! Even little Vinnie, who is only four years old!

 

         Just before I went into a fit of laughter that must have lasted for 30 minutes, I screamed that I couldn't believe ALL of them stepped back! I can only try to describe that scene with my words to you. Heaven knows that I am no "Mickey Spillane", or "Stephen King". I wish I had the words to tell you just what went through my head and my heart. I guess those are the times we remember when we meet our end. Maybe the Universe gives us those moments to lighten the burden of simply "being". Maybe those moments are Karmic "paybacks" for good deeds done in our lifetime? Who knows. I only know that I felt sheer joy and elation at that very moment in time!

 

   ;-) Holla' If You Hear Me!!! ;-)

When, My Love, When?

                                               When, My Love?

 

When, my love, will the hurt go away?

When, my love, will my heart recover it's former glory to you?

When, my love, will the pain subside?

When, my love, can I learn to love again?

When, my love, can I love you again?

When, my love, will you restore this old Dragon's heart.

When, my love, will you dry my tears?

When, my love, will you come to me freely?

When, my love, will this be over?

When, my love, will the music no longer make me cry?

When, my love, will I laugh as before?

When, my love, will you stop killing me little by little?

When, my love, will the hurt go away?

Just a Little Joke

An Application For Permission To Date My Daughter...

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

Whenwould be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, AND RED HOT POKERS.

_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.

Diplomacy? When Did that Happen?

So, last week, in one of his speeches to no one in particular(except the gov't controlled media), Mr. Bush said that he has always stated that things could be handled with diplomacy! Really, when did he ever say that? Ask the people of Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Libya, North Korea, China, and I just bet they will call him a liar! Mr. Bush's idea of "diplomacy" is that you agree with him, or you are an "evil-doer". Diplomacy my Aunt Fanny's ass! George Bush wouldn't know diplomacy if it jumped up and bit him on the ass!

 

          As I listened to the news the other day, I heard them listing the countries who have, or are expected to have, nuclear warheads. As the list was read off, it was stated that Isreal "is strongly believed" to have them. Well, why not go in there like we did with Iraq? Why not find out for sure? Why just "suspect"? Make them tell the truth! Here is an even better idea...cut the THIRTY BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR funding to Isreal!

 

         We do NOT owe Isreal anything! Thirty Billion a year? Fuck that! The entire gross national product of that damn hole is less than that! The holocaust was 60 years ago. If they can't stand on their own feet by now, fuck them! I don't see that kind of money going to Africa, Austraila, China, Poland, Russia, Iraq, Iran, Libya, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Turkey, or many others! Fuck Isreal! If we dropped them, we would be in better standing in the Global Community.

 

          Don't you even consider me to be anti-semetic! I don't care what kind of people they are, why are they feeding at the teat of democracy and the free world when they are like the nations around them? Women have few if any rights there. Attrocities are commited by the Israelies to catch "terrorists". They even stole the land where they now live, with the help of the United States! Piss on them, they need us more than we need them! I say cut them loose, let them sink, they are only holding us back! That thirty billion a year could go to our National Debt. Which, I might add, was completely wiped out by Bill Clinton! Eat that, Republicans!

 

             On a lighter note, my youngest daughter turned 16 years old today! I hope she has a great day!

Working at Home

So, there I was a few days ago, with nothing to do. The wife brings in a lap-top computer from where she works. She plugs it up, and it sort of works for a few seconds, then shuts off. She asks me to look at it.

 

       Upon close scrutiny by my highly un-trained eye, I see that the small power cord going into the back is frayed, and some of the bare wires are touching one another. Someone has done a rather shitty patch job on the power cord. I don't know who attempted this feat of stupidity, but they were as ignorant as they were cheap!

 

         Folks, if you have to splice four wires together, please use some solder, and a soldering iron! For shit's sake, it took me one hour to get things sorted out, and soldered up, then, they all had to be taped to keep them from touching! It's not like it was some kind of puzzle. There were four wires, and all had different colors,(red, white, black, etc...). It was as simple as falling off a log! If you want to do a job, then do it right, don't just half-ass it! I had a sergant in the Army who used to say, "there is never enough time to re-do a job, but plenty of time to do it right the first time".

 

:-) Holla' If You Hear Me!!! :-)

"Rock Stars"?

"Rock Stars"...what a life that must be! I can remember back when rock stars made news just by tearing up hotel rooms, and wrecking cars when they were doing the drug d'jour! Nowadays, we have tradgedies like "Brittany". Taken out of her home after a three hour stand-off with police and other "officials". And just think, everyone said her husband, Kevin Federline, was a joke. Who's laughing now?

 

       But wait, there's more! Take Angelina Jolie, and Brad pit. They wanted to adopt a child. A noble aspiration, to be sure. So, what do they do? They go to some third-world country, and adopt some kids! No doubt liberal pay-offs to local authorities helped to insure a speedy "adoption". Hmm, I guess all of the available kids in the U.S. were taken? Yeah, right!

 

       Stupid people shouldn't breed...or adopt! What is wrong with the world today? I can tell you...liberals and  movie and rock stars! It is no wonder that Muslim-run countries call us the new Babylon! America looks like Rome just before the fall. This country should be run by people like me! Nearly every week we hear about another politician caught in a gay affair, or molesting some page, or volunteer! Our politicans are lazy and fat! They care for nothing, save lining their own pockets!

 

        You want to fight the "war on terror"? Put some of those fat, lazy fucking politicians in the war! It would become so bogged down that the other side would just give up! Have you seen the new public service announcements about terrorist attacks? A little kid asks his mom what to do in the event of an attack, and she says she doesn't know! Just more scare tactics from a pitiful and inefficient government! "Keep the people afraid, and they will turn to us"! Well, aside from that mother not having a plan, neither does our government! That's right! They have hiding places where they can go to be safe, but the rest of us? Sit down, put your head as far as it will go down between your legs, AND KISS YOUR ASS GOODBYE!!! That is their "plan" for the rest of us!

 

:-) Holla' If You Hear Me!!! :-)