What You Really Want to Hear

  Ok, I have thought it over, and I think it is only fair that my loyal readers end this year by me telling something about myself that no one knows. You should enjoy this.

 I hate football. Can't stand it, never liked it, never will. When I was a small kid, I liked anything that had an engine, and could just scream "POWER". Formula one cars, LeMans, Drag Racing, dirt bikes, Harleys, Drag Boats.....if it moved, and had an engine, I was there!! Hell, at seven years old, I tried to put a lawn mower engine on a bicycle!! I later heard of something called a "go-cart".  But that is another story----

    I loved baseball, but hated footbal. When I was in the seventh grade, my step-dad, brainless fuck that he was, decided that I would play football, come hell or high water! When he learned that I hated the sport, he became even MORE determined that I would play. I said he was a brainless fuck.

    So, he signs me up at the small Mississippi school in the town we lived in at the time. So, I figure, maybe it won't be so bad, I might make some friends(I have never really got on well with people, even when I was young). Boy, was I wrong!

    Seems that the seventh graders were just "meat" for the Big Guys. And I mean BIG. We were put up against seniors! With the pretense that we were holding "tackling dummies". Believe me, WE were the dummies. We got stomped on, ran over, hit way too hard. There were many times that I would get up, only to be too stunned to stay on my feet, so, back down I would go. Always, the bigger guys were screaming for us to get our "baby asses" up.

    Where was my step-dad during all of this? Why, standing right there watching!! If he burns in hell for a million years, it will NEVER be long enough. I still, to this day, remember his laughing face on the sidelines.

     I wasn't allowed to quit, so I got to where I would simply refuse to "suit up". That served to only get me tackled in my street clothes! I have even had the coach tell players to hit me on the bench. Fine, I got tired of being laughed at. I resigned myself to the fact that they were far too big, and strong for me to beat. BUT, BY GOD, they would RESPECT me.

     Everytime I was hit, I would stand back up. I have stood up at times when I could not see, because of blood in my eyes. My blood. Every drop that I tasted, only served to fuel the fire burning inside of me. It became a raging inferno before the year was over, and my mom left this brainless fuck!

     That fire raged inside, and by the time high-school came along, and with the help of my uncle and his buddies, ANYONE who was a jock was in for a rough time. I was the ONLY guy in school who would INTENTIONALLY pick fights with "jocks". I hated them, and tried every way I knew to destroy them. I hate them to this day. I still hate football. Whenever something on tv is pre-empted for football, I hit the ceiling!

     You know how most people hate gay people? That is how much I hate Jocks! At least gay people CAN carry on an intelligent conversation with you. Jocks are big, dumb, empty-headed pieces of shit! They truly ARE the BOTTOM of the gene pool!  Sorry, that's just my opinion. Jocks suck, and that is it.

     The moral of my tale? Don't let people bully you. Sooner or later, even the little dog bites back!! These days, I am 5' 10", with 16 inch biceps, a size 48 chest, and I weigh 256 pounds. Yes, that little dog grew up, and now, no one pushes him around!!!  I told you before that little johnny was broke, I never said that he gave up!!!

Another Year

  Here we are, faced with the prospect of another year....another set of problems, and the old ones we carry with us. I always hear that a lot of suicides happen at this time of year. Are you kiddin' me? C'mon, don't puss out on me now!!  Stick around, see just what I come up with next.

 I am working on a tribute to old Bikers like myself. It should be fairly good. Ahhhh, the good times that I had with my uncle, and all of his "cronies" when I was young. Can anyone out there remember going to protest rallies against helmet laws? Shit, I can!!

    We used to go to the capital building in Lansing Michigan,(only a few blocks from where I lived), camp on the lawn if we had to!! Damn, all of that is gone!

    Full nights of partying, that sometimes turned into DAYS of partying! Typical line from that time--"What is this party for"?  "Hell, it's Tuesday"!!!  Man, sometimes I miss that shit, but just about that time my daughter, wife, or grandchildren will bring me back to reality, and I remember why I left all of that.

  Would I ever change anything in my life?  NO! I might not have gotten married the first time, but even THAT taught me some lessons!  First, and foremost, divorce is a woman's idea!! It has to be. How else can you explain how a woman can marry a man, then, within two years, leave him, and get everything???  Bwahahaha!!!

If you read this, and are thinking of doing something 'not so smart'  for whatever reason, just think about this. I have been at the lowest that a person can get. At just 19 years old, I was carrying two (2) bottles of whiskey with me everyday to get through an eight-hour shift, at some shitty job that I hated.

I woke up one morning and looked into the mirror....what I saw staring back at me was truly frightening! I quit drinking, quit the drugs, and held my head up high. I didn't get rich, but I learned that whatever happened from that moment on, I would control it! Good or bad, it was up to me!!

 To this day, I own an old foot-locker. I bought it when I was just 17. Everything I used to own would fit into that old trunk. I keep it to remind me of just WHERE I came from.

  So, stick with me, guys and girls! Even if you never leave comments. If my writing can touch just ONE life, then I have fulfilled my purpose here on this shitty little rock we call Earth.

   Follow your heart, and it could lead you to magical places!

There's Hope for me Yet!

  Well, I went to see the eye doctor this morning. My vision has been failing for the last two (2) years. Doc says everything is cool, my arms are just too short!! Actually, my poor eyesight is only due to my age. He should have a pair of bi-focals ready by Monday. Now, I can get back to my jewelry-making.

    I hope all of you got just what you wanted for Christmas...I surely did!  Here is the good news...I am not rich, not even lower-middle class! I happen to be in a class all my own---independantly BROKE!! But the wife got me some small things, and she gave me the gift of staying with her all these years. What more could a man ask for?? Actually, ALOT!!!

      By that I mean that I got to play with the grandkids on Christmas day!! That was truly all that I wished for. There can be no bigger joy than to be surrounded by the people who know you, and put up with you.

  I hope all of you find what you are looking for. We are ALL searching for SOMETHING, you cannot deny it. Find it, embrace it, and never let it go. I found mine, but it took time and determination. Plus, I never let go of the dream of finding it!!

                                 PEACE TO YOU.

Why Night Comes...

 Night comes, swiftly, unfailingly. Darkness covers the land and the sea. Ahh, darkness; black, impenetrable, all-hiding, beautiful darkness! The Gods gave Darkness to the Earth for a reason, actually, for a lot of reasons. You shall know why...just read on, if you dare.

     Many things come out into the darkness; demons, ghouls, ghosts, evil things, and even Dragons. Wolves, Tigers, Lions, Bears, Snakes, Spiders, Scorpions, all the things that you fear are here, in the Darkness. Even the evil that man does is mostly kept to the Darkness.

    Many things that are considered evil have always been said to be "Dark" throughout time itself. Even Death himself is known to be "Dark".  Yes, Darkness works out for the best for some of us! Some of us even know about the "Dark Corners" of the mind....makes you think, doesn't it?

    Yes, the Gods gave Darkness to the Earth so that mere mortals would not go completly insane because of seeing the things that come out to play in the night. So, the next time it is Dark, and you hear nothing, and you see nothing....be afraid, be very afraid!!!!!

   Now, turn out the light, and go to sleep. That's right, pull the covers up nice and tight, for many things roam the night!

 Questions, comments, abusive remarks?? You know where to find me!!!

Moods--We all have them

Actually, I like some classical music, but like anything else, only in moderation. I have been wondering lately (Yes, I have too much time on my hands). Do some of the things I do or feel make me any less---me?

    I seem to find joy in certain paintings that I have seen before, but noticed nothing in particular at the time. Certain songs, or music holds new meaning for me. I am sometimes struck by the simplest of things as being overly fascinating, like I have missed something in these things for a lifetime!

  Am I becoming 'civilized', settled, or just more mentally disturbed than before? I find myself pondering these thoughts more frequently than before. The simple fact that I can actually sit here long enough to write this is, in itself, a small miracle.

   So, what is happening? Am I 'evolving', finding the 'next level' in life? And just WHEN did Sienfeld quit being funny, and just become another "whiner" in life? I have always liked the "Kramer" character, but more so now than before. Something is changing, and I know it.

   I still have all of the memories of growing up in a Biker-gang, and the awful things that my mother and step-dad did to us kids growing up. But, since my mother's murder, these things just don't seem too important right now.

   My grandmother(maternal) told me that my real dad wanted to get in touch with me. I wrote to him twice in June, after my mother died. I got the same response as always...nothing. He is a horrible person, and likes to do terrible things to people. He is said to be in poor health.

   I say "fuck him, and let him rot". I haven't become so 'warm-and-fuzzy' that I could ever forgive him anything. I thought my mother and I were on our way to some kind of 'understanding' in our lives, and she was suddenly snatched away by Death itself. A sad end to a sad life...............

   I still trust no one, and I still hate people just as always...I just seem to enjoy some things that I never did before. I have no idea what is going on, but to find "beauty" in things,(other than engines, or machinery) is just not 'like me'.

 ......and he continues to slip, uncontrollably, toward the black abyss....never to be seen again.   An original quote from me, although I am sure that someone, somewhere, has said it before me....I can't be the only one............

Deer Hunting (or the lack thereof)

  Deer hunting, the all-time favorite sport of MEN. If you happen to be one of the 'other' type of man, then just skip this writing, it could get too rough.

      I have been reading in my deer-mags that a lot of Northern, and some Eastern states are having trouble with deer populations actually STARVING!!! Too many deer around, no hunters. No way to control deer populations from growing un-controllably. What?!?! Deer starving??

      Suburbs, housing developments, mini-malls, they are all to blame. But the burden ultimately falls on the hunters---or, the 'so-called' MEN in these areas. What happened? Are some of you so damn "civilized" that you don't hunt to put meat on your family's table? I have certainly seen some of the wives from those areas complaining about the price of meat in the super-markets! Here you have FREE, FRESH MEAT just handed to you, and you refuse to kill it.

    Can any of you even SKIN a deer? Hell, one of my friends showed up this past Friday to have me cut up a whole deer for him(he trusts me). I couldn't get out to his truck fast enough, knives, and sharpening steel in both hands!! I had that deer carved up in no time! Hell, he even offered me half of it, but I declined, I know he has a family to feed.

    I have read that the local gov'ts have to bring in "snipers" at night to dispatch the deer in those places. At least THEY know what to do with the meat; they donate every bit of it to local foodbanks, rest homes, and orphanages. The snipers are just hunters, VERY GOOD HUNTERS, but hunters all the same.

    It is not expensive to start hunting, you only need a license, a firearm, and the BALLS to go out and KILL an animal! It's easy, really. All men have the instinct. If you are too squeamish to actually gut, skin, and butcher the animal, then take along someone who is willing to do so. Letting the animals slowly starve is just cruel. Don't believe me? Just tie your dog up outside, and feed him about four(4) pieces of dry food a day....won't be long before someone comes around to lock you up, yep, seems "cruelty to animals" is against the law. Imagine that!

      In the time it has taken me to type this message, somewhere around 15 to 20 deer were killed in my county alone...our deer never starve. No dogs were injured in the posting of this message.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

Merry Freakin' Christmas!!!  What, you expected "Happy Holidays"? I could care less WHAT the media tells you, I say Merry Christmas! Don't like it? Kiss my Ass! The flag flying outside MY HOUSE has 50 stars, and 13 red-and-white bars!!!

 I DO NOT need your "imported" beer, your fancy cheeses, or your nose in my business. YOU can say just what you WANT during the Holidays, Happy Kwanza, happy Chaunaka(I know I can't spell it!), whatever you want. THAT is the joy of living here in this country.

  What is this, a softening of the "grumpy old man" for the Government?  HELL NO! I never said it was perfect, but, for the most part, we ARE FREE to do pretty much as we please. The fact that I rail against the gov't in such a public forum, and DON'T end up in some "Gulag" should be proof of the greatest country in the world!

     If I prefer "Merry Christmas", then leave me alone, it is my right. If I speak badly about the people who commit terrorist acts against America, then shut the fuck up and listen...or walk away....there IS a third option, but I don't think you really want a boot in your ass!

   So, Merry Christmas to all, and to all, "Be Cool"!!!!!!!

GreenPeace?????

  Does GreenPeace come in different colors? Maybe a kind of "light green", or "off green"? Don't worry, it will make sense in a minute....

     As most of you know, I have a 12 year old girl still at home, if you don't know that by now, then you aren't paying attention. I used to hunt-deer, rabbits, squirrels, whatever. I quit my hunting because of my injuries, but I still read hunting magazines. I also like to watch the hunting shows on tv.

     My little girl finds this just awful, killing "Bambi" and all of that. So, out of respect for her, I no longer watch the hunting shows(I still get the mags.). So, last winter, my oldest girl and her husband bring over some deer meat, already cooked.

      Well, the youngest girl gets a whiff of it, and just digs in! After staring at each other like idiots, we decide I should tell her that it is deer meat, venison. OK, so I tell her, "Honey, that is deer meat". She looks at me for a second, then starts to cry...but she is STILL EATING!!

      She hated that the deer was killed, but she LOVED the meat! Now she tells me one of her friends is bringing  deer meat hamburgers to school for a party tomorrow. I told her she didn't have to go. To which she replied; "Are you crazy, I want a deer-burger"!!!

       Therefore, I am asking if GreenPeace comes in maybe a lighter shade???  Have fun with your kids, they leave home FAR too quickly...........even if they are quirky!

Why?

  Why am I here? It is a question as old as mankind, yet it has never been answered.  We live our lives, most of us manage to have a couple kids, maybe do some charity work, and make a few friends along the way. Then we die, and get shoved down a six-foot hole, covered by dirt. A fitting end? Hardly.

       But then, there are others; the Mother Theresa's, the Alexander Grahm Bells, the Ben Franklins, The Abraham Lincolns---people who actually make a difference in the world. They get the same as the rest of us. A hard life, then a hole in the ground. "We are born to die" as the old saying goes.  Why?

      Why do millions die in wars, thousands are wiped-out in natural disasters, hundreds are killed at the hands of man-made machines! And yet we continue to come into this world, one after another, forever. Is this the work of your God? To promise you the gift of life, but put limitations on it?

     If none of this makes any sense to you, then welcome to my world. None of it makes any sense to me.

What I Want---

 "Just what do you want, oh wise one"? I want a beer. A BEER...not some 'light' crap, or something with 'less carbs', just a freakin' beer! Schiltz, Pabst Blue Ribbon. Michelobe, Falstaff...all of the old beers you can't find anymore. MEN DO NOT drink "Zima". Little pussy yuppies do, not men.

    I want a cup of coffee. NOT this cafe` latte` shit, with all of the foam, sprinkles, and crap that goes with it. I just want coffee...black and hot! Not iced, french,(Irish is ok!!), espresso, whatever....JUST COFFEE!

    I want to know about the "in-field fly rule". Get rid of it. While you are at it, get rid of that damn "in the park" homerun! Bullshit! Let these over-paid, steroid abusing, "so-called" atheletes EARN RUNS. Do you believe Barry Bonds? Can we? First it was cork-filled bats, and now, steroids. It seems to me the only thing Bonds does well is get caught lying!!

      I want postal workers who will actually *smile*!  That's right, if the folks at Wal-Mart can do it, then postal workers can too! And, explain something to me. The post office constantly says that they recieve NO federal funding...but if they piss you off with their *smug-assed* attitude, you can say nothing, if you do, it can carry FEDERAL charges??? Who came up with that shit? It's OK for them to go nuts and shoot a few co-workers, but you can't say anything when they are shit-faced with you(that would be always!).

    I want people to quit smoking. Today marks ONE YEAR without a cigarette for me.  Please, hold your applause, I will sign autographs in the back. (LOL) Let me tell ya', it has not been as bad as I thought it would. PLUS, I have learned some useful things along the way. If you are ready to quit, I can tell you where to find support. Hell, just write to me with the subject heading; Want to Quit. I'll help you myself, if need be!

      I want decent clothes, made in America. NOT in some "Kathy Lee", or "Martha Stewart" sweat-shop in Malaysia, the Phillipines, or Korea. These people rarely grow to over five(5) feet tall! Stop making my clothes to either fit YOUR tiny society, or YOUR overblown IDEA of what Americans look like!!

     I want more, and BETTER rights for victims of violent crimes, or crimes of abuse! Fuck a criminal's "rights". If you are shown to be guilty, you get one appeal. If later it is found that an over zealous DA decided YOU were going to be their lap-dog, then I want these assholes locked up too....preferably WITH the person they did wrong to. That  should stop a lot of this shit that goes on in court-rooms these days. And, oh yeah, make the judges culpable, too.

       These are just SOME of the things I want, well and world peace, too. But that ain't gonna happen. So, just hand me a P.B.R. and shut the fuck up!   Later, Kids!

    

New Poem---(I think)

**********************I've Been Around Forever*******************   I've been around forever, you see, Listen to the rest, then you'll believe. I was there as Jesus died, I watched as his mother cried. And glorious old Satan, in his nest, I never gave that fool no rest! I've seen millions die from war and starvation I've watched the rise and fall of nations!   So when you step to me, You had better come correct- I'll tear out your heart, and snap your neck. You might think you are "bad", maybe even a little tough, Shut up and listen, you haven't heard enough!   I was there when Cain killed Abel, Think you can shock me? Just put your cards on the table! You say I am cold, and it is true, Leave me, before your time is through!   I have seen the 'phony tough' and the 'crazy brave', Hell, I laughed as I danced on their graves! I have been here forever, you see, Read it again, then you will believe!