Chaos Avoided

Without evil, we would not have good.

Without dark, we would never recognize the light.

Without the good and the light, there would only be chaos.

Author: Me.

Holidays

Merry Christmas, and Happy new Year, and all of that bullshit. I hope you are far happier than I am!

We Are...

We are who we are...we know what we know...we see what we see, and we say what we say. What exactly shapes "who" we are, or "who" we come to be.

 

        Is it the things that we go through as we grow older, or is it the environment that we grow in? Could it be a mixture of both? Are we actually concious of being "shaped" as it is happening? Or do we go through life just "learning" as we go? Is it learning, or is it "ad-lib"? We just sort of make it up as we go along, never sure what is around the next corner? Constantly forced to improvise on the spot.

 

        I ask these things as only a student can. I shall not ask "why are we here"; the answer to that one seems as diverse as the people to whom it is asked. I merely ponder the reason we are what and who we are...or are we even....us? Any thoughts, comments, snide remarks? You know where to find me...

 

:-) Holla' If You Hear Me!!! :-)

Cynicism

The more you have been hurt, the more cynical you become. Soon, there is nothing left but cynicism...

Us

Us...we. It seems that all of us are racing head-long toward one thing...Death. We are born, and we die. I guess it is that space in-between that defines us as who we are. The good that we do, the bad that we do, the good times, and the times when we are hurt. These are the things that make us who we are. These things can make us, or break us.

 

        I have been broken by a person. A person that I thought I loved, but I no longer care for. That makes me sad to say, because I thought I would love that person no matter what, for the rest of my life. They changed that, not me. The blame lies with that person, not me. How can I forgive what they did to me, to us? Right now, the hatred burns so deeply that I think it will never leave.

 

        So now I hurtle head-long into that great abyss all alone, no life-partner by my side. While that person is still here, they do not count for anything. I will enter that cold, dark place completely alone, even if they are at my side. I would welcome the dark right now. At least I wouldn't have to face another day in this joke that is my life and marriage.

For Posterity...

Just so you will know later on, when, and if, someone asks, you can say you knew me "way back when". Just a few things for you to know about me.

 

    My favorite song, the one that I would want played at my funeral, would be, hands down, "Free Bird", by Lynyrd Sknyrd. My favorite food has to be steak and shrimp. My favorite kind of beer is any one that is open! my favorite kind of whiskey is Jack Daniels. My favorite people are my daughters, and my grandchildren. My least favorite person in the entire world is my wife at this time. She should be hung by her feet and beaten for as long as I want it to go on! My favorite day of the year used to be Christmas, but since my wife ruined that, then it isn't.

 

        My favorite person online is a wonderful lady named Ms. Jean. I truly love her with all of my heart. She is a wonderful person! DKBsNurse is a close second, believe me, they are wonderful people. My favorite "gadget" would have to be my computer, give or take a little. I have been able to meet so many people with it! Kozinas, I love you like a brother, man! You've been there for a long time, dude! I feel I must say these things, because no one else will say them for me. When I am gone, no one would know these things.

 

        Life seems to be closing in around me, and choking me off from the rest of the world. My wife has dishonored our marriage. She has called "null and void" to the last 25 years of my life. The things that I used to write here about my love for her no longer mean shit to anyone, least of all, to her. I can say bitch, whore, slut, whatever. None of it comes close to the way that I feel for her. She has ruined everything, and yet, she tries to hang onto me like some sort of prize? I think she enjoys hurting me, and derives some type of pleasure from it. I deserve better, I think sometimes. Maybe I don't, who the fuck knows? I certainly don't anymore.

Four Years Smoke Free

Today marks four years smoke free for me. A small bright spot in an otherwise dull and horrible existence. Yay for me.

Have You Seen This?

California State Senator Leland Yee yesterday issued a release that "urged parents and grandparents to avoid violent video game purchases for their children this holiday season." He commented that the majority of gamers between the ages of 8 and 17 liked games that are rated "M" for Mature. Because of this, he encouraged parents to regulate their children's gaming content; as he says, "the rating system alone cannot be trusted."

"It is vitally important that parents and grandparents consider the content in video games before making holiday purchases," said Yee.

Yee went on to criticize the ESRB for its decision to not re-rate Manhunt 2 when a mod to the game altered the appearance of some of the violent content. He then, without citing any particular titles, made some spurious assertions, saying that in "many top selling games" players are "rewarded" for activities such as "killing police officers, maiming elderly persons, running over pedestrians, and torturing women and racial minorities."

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To Senator Yee...With all due respect, Senator, GO FUCK YOURSELF!