Starting Over?

  Well, here we are. I am still here and at this point in time I am officially into a new "job". My oldest daughter wants (needs) to work this summer, so I have taken up the challenge of caring for my two (2) grandchildren.

 

  Challenge, how can THAT be a challenge?  My wife works every day, so I am all alone with them. I can rebuild the engine from a bike  or car....so, yes, I CAN change diapers. The little girl is four (4), so she does pretty much for herself. She is also very adept at telling Pop-Pop when he is doing something wrong with the little boy--he is 15 months.

 

     Now, about that little boy..........there is NOTHING that he won't get into. Kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms, if you can name it, he is into it! Ever spend 10 hours a day chasing a 15 month old boy around? The first three days I watched them, my calves burned at night! I was also able to fall asleep as soon as I lay down!

 

    So, to answer the questions from a friend of mine, (Ms. J.), I am doing better, and will try to continue to do so. Also, my daughter likes my fees.....I, of course, work for free.

 

  Be kind to others, but most of all, be kind to yourself. We sometimes forget to do that.

Dignity

   I have had some questions about my recent "dark writings". Since no one has figured it out, I will help you along.

 

    I AM SICK OF BEING ALIVE. I can't seem to scream it loud enough lately. I hate living. When I go out, I try to pick fights with people by intimidating them (more so than usual). I know lots of people carry guns these days. I am looking for that ONE person who is just frightened enough to use it. Just pull it, and go to work!

 

   Is everyone in the world a pussy?  Maybe my "defenses" against the world work a little too good? I don't care who it is that does it. I have no dignity left, nothing to say that I am a man. Nothing to say that I was here. I might as well be gone. At least going out this way would leave some dignity, some proof that I was not afraid to face Death Himself.

 

     Living as I do sucks. I won't go into all the reasons here. Suffice it to say that I am tired of being here...death is nothing to fear, we all must face it sooner or later. I'm all for right now. Hell, one of two things will happen; it will hurt REALLY bad for a few seconds, and then be over, or it will hurt for a long time, and you will get over it.

 

      I manage to keep myself busy at times, some might even say "happy". But there is just this low feeling that is always there, never relenting. Always weighing me down, and it is just becoming heavier every minute. I seem to have no purpose, no direction, a ship adrift upon the sea. And, PLEASE, keep the stupid comments about religion to yourselves. Religion never helped anyone.....it only makes martyrs of it's followers.

Good Day to All!

 Good day to all of my "minions" (I really like that, thanks, Ms. M)!! Not much to say today, maybe later on today. OH, WAIT---my wife took my ENTIRE STOCK of jewelry to work with her today. Seems she met a lady interested in all of it! This lady owns a couple of stores that sell clothing and such for ladies. I am waiting to hear if she likes my work.

 

   I spoke with my oldest daughter yesterday. She actually told me that it "picks up" her day to have me call her! That was cool.....she actually WANTS to hear from the crusty ol' Dragon. We talked for a long time on the telephone; something that I rarely ever do.

 

  Well, be good, and if you can't be good, then don't name it after ME!!! I will be gone all day with Mrs. Dragon tomorrow...unlike me, her bite IS worse than her bark....hahaha.

I don't have a subject today...

 Well, let me see what is up today? Oh, yes, my new "company" seems to be doing well! It is called "Outlander Design Studios". I still make jewelry, but, unfortunately, my little company is not listed in the "Fortune 500" yet!

 

     Sunday is my wife's birthday....that's right, exactly one week after mine. That's why I married her, I couldn't possibly forget her birthday!! Anniversary? Not a problem, married her on the 4th of July! OK, I hear you in the background..."How old is she"?  Old enough to know better, but still young enough to get away with it!

 

   Have a nice weekend, folks. Oh, by the way----I have been called many things in my life on this shitty little rock that we call Earth, but  "a Pompous Ass"??  Damn, I nearly died laughing!! I am sure that I could have come up with something far worse than that. Talk about being out-classed, and out-gunned!!

 

    As for  "my children", and "my minions".................behave yourselves this coming weekend. If any debauchery goes on, HOLLA' AT ME!!!!

Whoa, Nellie!!

  As much as I would like to, I will not take this any further. Like you told me, I used NO NAMES. If you can do that, then I can, right? If this "hit a little close to home", then you know just WHO you are.

 

 Once again, YOU have put words in my mouth. How can you read the post from  January, and percieve it as a threat? It CLEARLY says that your mail, and personal info will be deleted? You clearly need some help. I said there was no malice intended, yet YOU accuse me of "stirring up some shit"?

 

   You only proved what I was saying. Believe me, if I intended malice, I would have given out your addresses right here on the sight, but I didn't. I am far better than that. That would have been childish. Delete your posts? NEVER!! Why would I let you make my point for me, then delete it?? I told you I felt badly for you, but you chose to leave that out of your replies???

 

   You see, we could go on forever, making this look good for you, and then making it look good for me. That was never my intention. I thought I was merely pointing out something for you, and others. We all have flaws---mine is that I care about certain people.  You, however, think that you are above mere mortals.....that is truly sad........  

 

   And, by the way, the post from January was referring to only ONE SUBJECT! That was the subject of my carrying on communications with someone that YOU didn't like. You, and one other person thought that you could control WHO I speak to. BOTH of you thought wrong. I don't like being controlled by anyone,(except my wife---I am legally obligated to say that!).  I never said that I hated you, or would never speak to you, I just said to stop with the "trivial bullshit".

 

       You clearly have issues with trying to control other people....get over it.

Egos, and how to Deal with Them

  My, my. I was reminded Tuesday of just how small some people can be. We, for reasons unknown to me, shall call this person.....Ms. M. This is going to be good. And keep in mind, ther is NO MALICE intended---at least, not by me, anyway.

 

 Now, what I wrote here yesterday was NOT for sympathy. I merely put it here because I try to never lie to you, the reader. It is something that will affect how often I come here, and the readers should know why I sometimes am not able to be here. That is the ONLY reason I put it here, period.

 

I decided to send the page to some of my friends...I ACCIDENTLY sent a copy to Ms. M. I was promptly told to take her off my mailing list, which I promptly did. She is still pissed off because I was communicating with someone who said something "hurtful" to her. Guilt by association, or something like that. I hope she gets help soon for that HUGE EGO TRIP she is carrying around. Someone made her mad, and she took it out on me.

 

  She even went so far as to say that by talking to this person, I was actually HELPING them! Gimme a fuckin' break! Look, sweetie, it was just some words on a screen. If you can't take a little "flaming" from someone, (and a chick, at that!), then you need to turn off your 'puter, and go watch Dora, or Sesame Street! Christ -on-a-cracker! Get over it, and yourself.

 

  You see, Ms. M has the idea that SHE is the ONLY person to face adversity in her life.....maybe she is right??  Nah, not hardly! Ms. M has taught me a lot of things about this magical invention we call a computer, and I sincerly thank her for that. She has shared trying times with me from time to time, and I thank her for that, also. Ms. M was what I called a friend; one has far too few of those in this world.

 

 Ms. M, please, for your sake, climb down from your high pedastal....for if you fall from where you are now, it will surely be devastating for you. I mean you no harm, quite the contrary....I feel badly for you. I know you will see this, if not, then I am sure someone will point it out to you.

 

   Take care of each other out there in cyber-land, and HOLLA' If YOU HEAR ME!!!!!

Problems with me

  My birthday was Sunday, April 10. It was a good day. I spent the entire day with my wife of over 22 years. We had fun. That is, untill the pain started. I seem to have lots more pain lately, and get fatigued very easily. I had no idea what was wrong.....untill Monday.

 

  My local clinic where I go called to say that my liver is screwed up. Some reading was way too high from my last blood test. This might not concern some people, but I watched a beloved neighbor die of this just about 2 1/2 years ago. Liver problems in this part of the country are pretty much a death sentence.  Enough of that.

 

     Maybe it can be fixed, maybe not. If it can, then I will be glad, if not, then I can know that I have done things that no one else would have even dared to do....I have even decided to let potentially MILLIONS of people into my life. I would NEVER have did this a few years ago.

 

  I will do my best to let all of you know how things are going, when I can. Don't worry, I will keep writing as long as I can. Hell, maybe my poetry will actually get better. For now, love each other while you can......no one is promised tomorrow.

 Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Oddities, at home, and Abroad

.......So, it was a quiet Tuesday evening, and my wife and I were out on the porch, watching our youngest daughter playing in the yard. She was in the "lower yard", by the bank that was built there a few years ago. A car pulls into the parking lot, around back where we are at. The car stops, and a young boy picks up what looks like a Coke bottle, and shakes it vigorously for a few seconds (it was in the car with them), then throws it out.

 

 I figure he just shook up a soda, and wants to see if the bottle will pop.....but something is wrong....when he shook the bottle. it sounded like a spray-paint can, with the ball rattling in the bottom!!  I yelled for my daughter, being the teenager she is, she chose to ignore me. I start running to where she is, and the bottle EXPLODED!!!!!!

 

 Not a little pop, but a loud bang! I see pieces of it scatter, and there was a bit of smoke coming from the debris. The bottle itself was thrown about 50 feet from where it was lying initially. I immediately called 911, and reported this.

 

   Some twenty minutes later, our TOWN PATROL CAR (the one here in town) shows up! Folks, we have one main street in my town. I can leave the Mayor's office, and walking, be here in four (4) minutes; and I have a bum knee!! The officer pulls up, tells me it is just some boys having fun, and says he will "fuss at them a little", if he finds them..........uh, ok.

 

  This officer never even got out of his car! He even drove past the evidence, and never bothered to look at it!!  I went back to my porch, and fumed! What if some other kid was back there, and had picked this thing up? This thing put off a very violent reaction. I decided if the police were not going to do anything about it, then I would.

 

    I took a pair of long tweezers, and a plastic bag, and picked up the pieces. I also took three (3) cotton swabs and soaked up some of the residue left on the pavement where this thing went off. I then called the local F.B.I. I was told to keep the evidence, and give it to the local authorities. I explained that the local authorities were here, and refused to even look at it.

 

    Funny thing happened next. I hung up with the F.B.I. guy, and the local cop shows up again...all of a sudden, he is interested in this little "chemical bomb"----VERY interested!! I guess someone called him??  This is the kind of police work we put up with everyday. Is it any wonder that everyone here has guns?  Around here, the best way to die is to depend on the police.

 

      Say "fingerprints", or "forensic evidence", and you only get stupid looks!  Let's see, kid in trouble, but dad, grandpa, uncle, whatever is on the board of Aldermen. Kid isn't in trouble anymore.  A few years ago two guys here in town were caught with BALES of maijuhauna (about 75 pounds each), it even made the papers! Some estimated the street worth at over a million dollars. No trial, no court date, and BOTH of the guys are still walking around, free as you please!!   I wonder how that works??

 

  And some of you wonder just WHY I get pissed off so much????

Hiding in Plain Sight...

 Maybe some of us just can't see the forest for all the trees???  A novel? Splendid idea. One problem...I would have no idea just how to start it. I guess I could start at the beginning.....

 

 It's worth thinking about...

......To Continue

....But wait, one did answer. One voice crying out to be heard over the din of the entire world. One voice, familiar, comforting, and music to these tinned ears. What a beautiful thought...that ONE voice could be heard above all others!!

 

  The days continue to be empty, and sometimes confusing, like a ship without a compass. Drifting, aimlessly, searching for reasons, for answers that have no questions...for questions that have no answers. Searching for all, and for nothing. Blinded by light, only seeing in the darkness. The days are too long....................the nights all too short.

The Man...

  The man slips, and stumbles, but finally manages to gain some purchase on the ground beneath his feet. He used to have good days and bad; now, they are mostly all bad. He lives each day in constant pain. Sometimes he lashes out at those around him.

 

  He "knows" that some are just out to get him, the rest just don't care. They all can tell by looking at him that he has been through a lot, sometimes too much for anyone to bear. He doesn't complain, he just waits to see what life will throw at him next. He figures someone isn't finished with him yet.

 

    He burned brightly in his younger years; maybe too brightly. His life is like a fiery comet. Mesmerizing to some, but maybe over too quickly. Maybe his time in the heavens has come to a close...maybe.

 

     He lives, he loves, he laughs. But mostly, he just goes on, day after day, with no purpose in life. He asks "what is my role here?" No one answers; he knew they wouldn't.........