The Dangers of "Adult Toys"

    The dangers of adult toys. Not THAT kind of toy, get your mind out of the gutter. Besides, there are young 'uns here!! Damn perverts!  No, this "toy" is far more dangerous, even though it does take batteries like the "others".

 

        This toy is called a stun gun. You know, one of those little black square things, it only needs ONE nine(9) volt battery. Ah yes, the stun gun, personal defense of women everywhere, and the bane of full-grown men! That's right. It is fortunate that men do not carry purses,(I am talking about real men, not those New York City types!). If you think a woman can cram lots of shit in there, men would do FAR BETTER. Hell, we would carry a case of beer in a purse if they made them big enough!!! (Wouldn't that be called a 'cooler'?, But, I digress).

 

              And therein lies the problem. Beer has been the down-fall of many a good man. Take for instance my (cough, cough) friend; let's call him "Elmer" for now. Seems that Elmer had drank a few too many one day, and his wife asked him to change the little nine volt battery in her stun gun for her. Elmer, being a good man and all said to her, "sure, honey". Keep in mind that Elmer is a 'normal' human male, and therefore curious by sheer nature; sometimes to a fault. Also keep in mind that Elmer LOVES his beer.

 

          As Elmer is reclining in his favorite chair, he replaces the battery in this stun gun. As he does so, he gets to thinking; "this thing only takes a nine volt battery, how could it scare anyone, especially a real man? I think it noteworthy at this point to say that Elmer is about to learn one of those "life-lessons" that we spoke of long ago.

 

           What Elmer doesn't know is that through modern technology, some smart-ass has devised a way to take a small amount of direct current...say nine(9) volts, and convert it to something  like 100,000 volts. Generally enough power to jump-start that damn shuttle that N.A.S.A. flies on occaision!!! Elmer picked out a spot on his Bermuda-shorts clothed thigh, and without a second thought, pulled the little trigger on the side of the aforementioned device!

 

        Did I mention that a shock from one of these evil little bastards, uh, I mean devices, CAN, and usually DOE'S  result in the loss of some bodily functions, namely the complete, and instant emptying of one's bladder? Did I also mention the fact that when drinking large quanities of beer, this is a forgone conclussion? And did I mention that water and electricity don't mix? Elmer learned ALL of these things at once!!! Elmer also learned just how much pain a 275 pound man can take before he passes out!!!  Evidently, Elmer had just reached that stage!!!  Poor old Elmer!!

 

               So, what have we learned? Let your wife change her own damn batteries!!!

 

                 Holla' If You Hear Me!!!