I Just Had to Tell This One

    Ok, stop me if I have told you this one. I was about 14 years old, and we were in Missouri at the time. My mom had left my step-dad, the red neck truck driver, and was back with my real dad. We were in a big bar in some backwater town in Mo. Mom was drinking her favorite, screwdrivers, and I was having a coke, and grabbing sips of mom's drinks when the bartender/owner wasn't looking. My dad was off in the back playing pool, I think.

 

          This guy comes over to my mom, and tells her she is really pretty. I figure the guy MUST be drunk, but what the hell, it was my mom, so I resented his advances toward her. Ma just blows him off, and he goes away. Soon, here he comes back, so I get up out of my seat, but ma says to sit back down...she's got this. I know my mother well enough to know that when she says "I've got this", she really HAS got it! So, like a good son, I sit back down. The drunk hasn't missed my actions, and asks if I am lookin' for an ass-whoopin'? I reply that he wouldn't know where to start, but I could certainly show him where to get off! I had very little sense when I was young. Must have been all of the beatings! LOL

 

          So, this idiot tells my mom that "you and I are leaving, bitch!". Now, you need to know that one of the words that you NEVER even THOUGHT of saying around my mother was "bitch". The consequences of which I was NEVER brave enough to try out! My mom tells this asshole to get lost, she will forgive his "indiscretion" this one time, and he is all the luckier for it. Somehow, through the fog of booze that clouded his apparently small mind, he thought this was the funniest thing that he had ever heard! So, he put his hand on my mother's leg....that's when things went badly for him.

 

         My mother used to carry a gun, a pistol, to be exact. This was no "Saturday Night Special". This was a Smith and Wesson snub-nosed .38. This thing was chrome plated, and was just the sweetest gun in the world. Perfect for a female that wasn't afraid of it. It had a hell of a bark to it, but it's bite was even worse!! Oh yes, it would make a nice hole in you, and I had fired it many times before. I saw it coming out of the purse that night, the light from overhead caught it's side, and it fairly gleamed when it came out. ItKNEW it was going to work that night. And it loved it's work!

 

             Mom stuck it in the guy's face, and told him to back up. Stunned, I guess, he asked "why"? My mom said "so I don't get your blood on me, of course"! He did back up, and was promptly treated to the bark, and the bite of that little .38! In the hip, or the leg, memory fails at some of the details, but I know he was screaming "she shot me" as we were going out the door. Mom never liked the word "Bitch", but she always LOVED that pistol of hers. Truth be told, I loved it more than she did.

 

              Holla' If You Hear Me!!!