To Tell or Not to Tell....

.....That is the question. A couple of months ago, a cousin of mine "found" me on the net. This cousin lives in Missouri, where most of my people were originally from. Don't worry, I am not being scammed, she really is my cousin. She knows too many things that happened when we were kids....things that only I or she would know.

 

        Through her help, I now posess the knowledge of where my biological father is, his address, and phone number. She really is a sweet girl. I asked for this information, and she found it for me. I have a reason for wanting this info....but it is NOT what you may be thinking.

 

      If you are a long-time reader here, then you know it is almost two(2) years since my mom was killed by her 'boyfriend'. The week before she died, she called me late one night.  It was the 'usual' thing...I answered the phone, and she started cussing me out. First about one thing, then another...the details aren't important. When she had finished, she calmed down, and then began to talk. I think she somehow KNEW that she hadn't a lot of time left here, just by the way that she was telling me things.

 

        The conversation turned to my 'real' dad. She told me of a love that would never die. She told me that he was the only man who ever had her heart. She still loved him, and wished that he were there with her at that time. The whole thing was really surreal.

 

        I have come to know that that news was not for me. It was for my dad. I was meant to convey that message to him. The knowledge given to me by my mom was not mine to keep. She never said that she loved her kids, only this man. One Man. The only man for her. How do I tell him without sounding completely sappy? This is something that SHE should have told him. Since her time was cut so short, I guess it falls to me(again), to straighten up one of my mom's messes.

 

        How do I know that she wanted my dad to know this? I don't, for sure. But there is this nagging feeling that he SHOULD know this. Since I am the only one she told this to, it therefore falls to me to tell him. I don't hate the man, but I haven't lost anything in him, either. All he ever gave me was a name. That, and a dollar, will get you a cup of coffee  anywhere.

 

      I have to call him. I have to tell him. I don't want to, but I know that I must.....

 

                     Holla' If You Hear Me!!!