Slow Week

   It seems to have been a slow week so far. Not much happening here. I would like to go fishing, but I can't seem to get away from the house. I still baby-sit for my granddaughter, also. I did go to the doctor this past Tuesday. The news wasn't good, as I knew it wouldn't be.

 

           My blood-sugar readings have crept up into the 200 and over range consistently. They say a "normal" reading for me should be in the 145 range. Mine is almost always over 200. Sometimes into the 300 range. I only want to sleep all dqay, and the thirst for water is relentless! To monitor my progress(or lack thereof), I keep a small notebook to record every reading.

 

             Looking at my notebook, it seems strange that I could actually stab my fingers and make myself bleed that many times! What is even more weird is that I could stick myself with an injection everyday! I have never willingly given myself a shot unless I was getting high! I get no return from the insulin injection, yet I do it everyday! LOL

 

              So, what does it all mean? Well, with my levels at their present readings, it causes memory loss, poor vision, what I call "hyper-thirst", and a constant feeling of being tired. I have to say that this is the single most crippiling thing that I have ever fought against. It seems that it would just be easier to give in to the disease, and just quit trying. But, unfortunatley, I seem to havee this damnable fight in me that won't give up.

 

               Maybe I went through too much in my lifetime; maybe I haven't been through enough...who the fuck knows?  If there is some "master plan" for me, I wish it would show itself. And the loss of my wife's brother to this same thing has not been wasted on me. Do I have a direction? No. Do I see a future for me right now? No, I don't. If there is a future, it is very bleak. Plus, things with the wife are strained, at best. The doctor says that high stress levels are adding to the problems with my health. She knows nothing about the problems with the wife.(My doctor is female).

 

           I want desperatlyto drink, but my insulin bottle says not to drink any alcohol at all. At this point, crawling inside a bottle is all I have left. My wife seems to not know, or not care, what she has done to me. Sometimes, I think about hurting her somehow to show her just what she has done...sometimes.

 

                                Holla' If You Hear Me!!!