I have had some questions about my recent "dark writings". Since no one has figured it out, I will help you along.
I AM SICK OF BEING ALIVE. I can't seem to scream it loud enough lately. I hate living. When I go out, I try to pick fights with people by intimidating them (more so than usual). I know lots of people carry guns these days. I am looking for that ONE person who is just frightened enough to use it. Just pull it, and go to work!
Is everyone in the world a pussy? Maybe my "defenses" against the world work a little too good? I don't care who it is that does it. I have no dignity left, nothing to say that I am a man. Nothing to say that I was here. I might as well be gone. At least going out this way would leave some dignity, some proof that I was not afraid to face Death Himself.
Living as I do sucks. I won't go into all the reasons here. Suffice it to say that I am tired of being here...death is nothing to fear, we all must face it sooner or later. I'm all for right now. Hell, one of two things will happen; it will hurt REALLY bad for a few seconds, and then be over, or it will hurt for a long time, and you will get over it.
I manage to keep myself busy at times, some might even say "happy". But there is just this low feeling that is always there, never relenting. Always weighing me down, and it is just becoming heavier every minute. I seem to have no purpose, no direction, a ship adrift upon the sea. And, PLEASE, keep the stupid comments about religion to yourselves. Religion never helped anyone.....it only makes martyrs of it's followers.
3 comments:
Well John, I have been following your journal for a while now...you entertain me, not sure in what capacity, but you do. You have been one of my inspirations in my quest to quit smoking and you have served that purpose well...I have been quit for 7+ months. So, if you are looking for a purpose you have served, there you have one. So, to say that you have "nothing" to say you were here is a misnomer. You have been an inspiration to quit smoking to a great many. And though you are a little "off the wall" with your way of thinking, when compared to mine, I still have this undeniable urge to follow your story. Jean is right, you have a gift for writing...use it to make your legend, your history, your purpose, whatever it is you seek to give "you" meaning. Life is full of diversity, no one ever said this was gonna be easy. You are the only person who can change your course...how you handle each situation that gets thrown at you, decides which direction you will take, and where you will end your journey. Your fate is yours to create, use each lesson learned well and constructively. You have a little girl there to "live" for, and although the teenage years can be difficult sometimes, they grow into beautiful women. Watch her blossom daddy...you won't regret it!
Hey John,
I too have been inspired by you and your writtings. I have looked to you for support when I first quit smoking, Today is my 10th month quit, you are one of the reasons I am here. Thank you John
Hey John,
I too have been inspired by you and your writtings. I have looked to you for support when I first quit smoking, Today is my 10th month quit, you are one of the reasons I am here. Thank you John
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