Not much sleep last night...I expected as much. I hate different places, and it doesn't get much 'different' than here. They are doing 15 minute checks on me, so that means that every 15 minutes, someone will open the door to the room, and shine a flashlight in to see if I haven't hung myself with the curtains, or maybe jumped out the window. Idiots.
Each morning you have to set a "goal", something that is attainable by the end of the day. You should hear some of the "goals" set by the clients; "Clean up my room"; "Take a shower"; "See the doctor"; All of these are things that you would do anyway...these are not "goals"...these are everyday actions! Geez, what a bunch of morons.
I don't have a goal for today, I just want to get through the day, or not, I don't really care either way at this point. I feel as if there is no fight left in me, I have given up completely...I just feel so damn tired.
At the first group meeting of the day, someone reads from a small book. It is some sort of "inspirational" crap written by someone with more problems than I have, that's for sure! But the first thing on the page is a bible verse. Yeah, like the bible ever solved anything. Is it even legal to force religion on someone? Especially people in a mental ward? That doesn't seem right, somehow. I listen to the reading, and then I am scolded by the nurse because I scoff at the notion that religion can solve your problems....I find it Ironic that most people here are suffering from things that cannot manifest themselves as "real", but these same people are asked to believe in something that is as abstract as religion. Maybe I just think too much? Maybe they will give me some drugs.........
Later today, I met a woman named "Anna", she is one of the counselors here. She is also a very smart person, a light at the end of the tunnel. She runs the anger management groups...and she is good at it. She sets up different things for you to figure out, then shoots your ideas full of holes. I know this sounds bad, but she actually lets you see the barriers we put up for ourselves. It is uncanny howshe can do that. She bears further scrutiny...
Holla' If You Hear Me!!!
1 comment:
Been there...done that....45 years ago (Lima State Hospital for the Crimanally Insane)....You want out.....go along with the program....if not.....your in BIG trouble.....they tell you to jump.....you ask how hi.....get it!!!!!
BOB
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