Thursday, December 15, 2005

Day One;

 Day One-11-28-05.....10:00 pm

         I have been here since about 1:00 pm today. I don't like it here. I have been here before, and I didn't like it then, either. I view everyone around me as a threat to my "well-being", such as it is at this point in time. I need to write this quickly, as it is lights out at 10:00 pm. Someone actually telling me when to go to bed?? That's just fucking great! Hell, I am twice as old as most of the staff here. They can't hope to tell me shit---they don't have the years, or the experience that I do.

               Most of the "clients"(their word, not mine) here are ok. By that I mean that at least they aren't down on all fours, and barking at people. For the most part, they seem well behaved; let's hope they stay that way. I refuse to take any shit from anyone, and they will learn that lesson if they get too close to me. So far, the nurses and aids have told everyone to leave me alone for now. I am in a really bad mood, and I don't care who knows it.

                10:30 pm...they just announced "lights out". Fuck 'em, I can write in the bathroom. I have a guy in the room with me in the other bed. He seems ok, but he is a drug addict. I can't understand someone with a good working brain putting that shit into their body....I have enough problems with my head, I surely don't need that shit! Oh, well, to each his own.

                   I can't sleep. The scenes from the night before keep playing over and over in my mind. It is like a bad movie that you can't turn off. Never ending, just running in a continuos loop. What are the scenes from the night before? I can't tell you that...it would be admitting to a crime. It was horrible, some of the things that I did. I was lucky I stopped when I did. When I woke up this morning, and I was still seething with rage, I knew I needed some help. If I didn't get some help, things would soon be out of my control......

 

         Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Keep writing John, it's your calling. Thanks for the insight too and know that we all care.

Mollie