Tuesday, May 24, 2005

A Little Fun

    I recently saw an ugly incident that involved a "citizen" and an "old school" biker. This incident should never have come to pass, had the "citizen" been privy to some basic guidelines and rules. So, to keep anyone else from being hurt, I have comprised a list of things to help you identify if the person you are speaking to is an "old school" biker.

 

  If this person rolls up on a big, loud motorcycle, don't say something stupid. You know, like, "Nice Honda!".  Always, always err on the side of caution. If you don't know what they look like, then just assume EVERY motorcycle is a Harley-Davidson. No Honda rider was ever pissed off because someone called their rice-burner a Harley.

      If this person has tattos covering most of their body, please, please, NEVER ask "did those hurt?". There are only two (2) correct responses to that question in the mind of a biker; you either recieve a crushed skull, or a boot so far up your ass that your breath smells like boot-polish for a month.

      If you hear this person refer to a woman as his ol' lady, she is his wife or girlfriend; if he refers to her as his "property", then you are in serious trouble----you weren't eyeing her, were you??  Oh well, sucks to be you at that time!!

      If this person is talking about "rug-rats", he is NOT reffering to a cartoon on television.

          If this person is talking to other people who look similar to him, and you hear words like "Shovel-Head", "Pan-Head", "Knuckle-Head", "Suicide-Shifter", 6 over rake, or something else you don't understand, please don't seek to interject yourself in the conversation in hopes of understanding them. This is neither the time or place to try and cross some "social boundary".

         I can't stress this next one enough. NEVER, and I mean NEVER, look at a bunch of bikers, and call them "scooter-trash", or "biker-trash". Those words are ONLY for a privelidged  few. And, lets face it, you ain't one of them.

        This one comes from personal experience. NEVER laugh at a biker gang comprised of just women. And NEVER tell their leader that "all she needs is a 'man'". I learned exactly what the bottom of a pair of Wolverine workboots looks like behind that remark in my younger days. No, it was not pretty. These "ladies" were "special". And by that I mean that they were Lesbians. I have always carried a strong respect for women since then.

       And, last but not least, if any one of these instructions is confusing to you, then just steer clear of the guy on the scooter, with the tattoos, and the bad look on his face. We tend to call people like you "stress-relief".

          These instructions were provided as a public service.

 

HOLLA' IF YOU HEAR ME!!!

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