About The Last Entry

That last entry was sent to me by one of my real Dad's Sisters...which would make her my Auntie. I would like to say something to her right here in public...thanks for being there for me. And not just you, but others who come here and try to give me support in this horrible time in my maybe short life.

 

       I feel that I am letting some of you down, as I am still contemplating doing away with myself. I thought I could let this thing go, but I can't. She has destroyed everything I ever believed in. I just can't live with that...I don't know what else to say. I cannot continue on this path in life. The cliff is in front of me, I only need to walk forward into oblivion...it's not that hard.  I have nothing left...what I loved more than anything has been defiled. I simply cannot bring myself to touch her, and I just don't understand it.

 

       Do I still love her? How can I be sure? How can I know? Death is far more preferable to this. Our marriage has been dishonored. All I have is my word, and my Honor. I no longer have that Honor. Why? Why did this have to happen? What is wrong with me? Why is this so hard for me? Fuck, I have fought through much worse than this. Hell, most of my life has been a struggle. Why is this any different? I just cannot live with this dishonor.

 

       I feel like I am constantly slipping further into the darkness that awaits. I have no fear of dying...I got over that a long time ago. So she took my guns and sold them...I can still cut my wrists open, and let the darkness envelope me. I will have saved my Honor, not much else, but I will have that.