Press One for English...

  "Press one for English" the automated voice on the telephone tells me. Why? I live in America, the language IS ENGLISH! If you don't speak English, LEARN! And what is up with the tele-marketers who call you and have such a heavy accent(usually Indian), that you can't understand a single word they say!? Couple that with their ability to speak about 1,000 words a minute, and you can have some fun!

 

          What has happened to our country? I'll tell you what happened..."Affirmative Action". That's right. Certain people of color couldn't get jobs because of a lack of talent or skills. So, what did America do? We lowered our standards. But, only for those people of color. During the latter days of the '70's, you were perfect for a job if you were a Black Woman. This was deemed to be the most discriminated against minority in the U.S.

 

            Oh shut up! You know I'm telling the truth! It is a matter of public record! So, America lowered it's standards! Never mind if the person applying for the job couldn't do the job, they GOT THE JOB if they were a "minority". That's just stupid! I was never hired because of 'affirmative action'. Even though I grew up right beside those 'minorities'. I was turned down as much as they were! I had the same education(or lack thereof), as those 'minorities'. I lived in the SAME PLACES as the 'minorities'. Was I treated specially? Fuck no! If anything I was looked down upon even WORSE than the 'minorities' because I was "white".

 

          I am Irish and Indian...American Indian. The FIRST PEOPLE to be here, not those "other Indians"! I am NOT WHITE. I am only HALF white. this was made painfully clear by the children that I attended school with when I was very young. "Half-Breed" was a favorite word at school. Since I was viewed as part red and part white, "Pinkboy" was another favorite. Is it any wonder that I grew up fighting all the time at school? Minorities, indeed!

 

            No one EVER lowered the standards at ANY JOB I was lucky enough to get! "press One" my ass! Learn to speak english, motherfuckers! I don't speak Cherokee!!! In this world, I HAD to speak English, or go hungry!

 

              Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

 

Misplaced Emotions

  This past Saturday, I touched on the subject of hate. As most of you know, I hated my mother for a long time. Most of it was because of some of the things she did to her kids. She knew full well just how I felt about her. But before her end came, she taught me a lesson I have not forgotten.

 

          Before she left this shitty little rock that we call Earth, my mother taught me something about hate, and just how it can be misplaced. She told me, "I know you hate me, but stop and think for a moment...if not for that hate, you would never have lasted as long as you did!".  My mother wasn't the "huggy, feely," kind of person. Her idea of "love" was not having to hit you for the whole day.

 

           Now, I could look at that two ways. One, I grew up hard, and unable to love. Two, I could have laid around and cried about it. Well, choice number two just didn't fit for me. I knew at a young age that bikers do not like little "cry-babies"......not at all. "So your mom didn't love you, wah, wah, wah, shut the fuck up and go on!" Nice guys, huh. Yes, they were nice guys. They weren't a bunch of baby sitters; you either got along, or you got left behind.

 

          My mom was right; I did hate her for a long time. But I did thank her for the gravel in my craw, and the grit in my blood. I made it to here, and with some luck, I just might make it a little longer on this shitty little rock!

 

                    Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Losing Gracefully...or not

       With my latest stay in the "nut ward", I met a woman of the same years as myself. I can't repeat her name here, because of the policies of the hospital,(policies that I agree with). This lady lost her son of 25 years just 15 months ago to a drunk driver. She was probably one of the saddest people I have ever met.

 

             This lady is carrying so much hatred for the person that killed her son that it is eating a huge hole right through her. I really felt badly for her. I explained that my mother was murdered just two years ago, and her killer got away with it. The person who killed her son is still free, also.

 

            I know about hate. I know just what it can do to you, and just how it can drain the life from you. Yes, I am very intimate with that emotion. Unfortunately for her, that lady is becoming far too familiar with it. The saddest thing in all of this? I tried to tell her what she was doing to herself, but she refused to listen. I guess you have a credibility issue when you are a "client" yourself. But I have been down that road. It twists, turns, and even doubles back on itself. It is a road to nowhere, and I have been there.

 

          I hope that lady sorts out her life, I really do.  I would really hate to experience losing a child. I guess that is every parents fear at some point. I feel for her, I really do.

 

               Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

I'm Back---Again

Well, here we are. I have just spent the last week in the hospital again. I swear, the more I fight to NOT be like my poor mother was, it seems the closer I come to being just that! There is maybe about half of my brain I could do without. The "screwey" half, that is.

 

            I watched my mother get worse and worse before she died. The final year for her was pure hell. I could tell she was far worse than I had ever seen her. The pure fact that she was insane was the single factor that contributed most in her death. I firmly believe that, and nothing can ever change that. I felt more pity than hatred for her. Hate is easy....pity for one such as her is hard for me. I have no idea why.

 

          As I struggle with that part of my brain that wants so badly to see me dead, I wonder WHEN, and HOW it will happen? I know it will, I just don't know when and where. If I knew those two pieces of information, maybe I could stop it. As it stands now, it must happen. I don't look forward to that time....I know it will be messy. I hope the time never comes, I certainly do my best to fight against it!

 

            Everything else is ok, I guess. I just have to fight against half of myself all the time. The conflict that rages within my mind is nothing short of a small war. I hope to someday win the war, but I am also realistic. People like me rarely live to be very old. It's just a fact of life(and Death).

 

                     Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

"Let's Talk About Sex, Baby"....

     How much sex is too much? Is there any such thing? My wife thinks so. I say I want sex at least three to four times a week....she says "No". Now, I am a fairly healthy 46 year old male, and all of you know of my background. I don't think these are unreasonable "goals" to be met by one's wife.

 

           However, "one's wife" thinks once a month is suffcient for sex at this age! Once a month? I think even Moses did better than that!  "One's wife" swears that she isn't giving it up somewhere else(yank-yank), if that is true, then there must be something wrong with her! Do all women do this? Will she keep me busy when she finally hits Menopause? Could it get any worse?

 

           I know that being married can be tough, but to go through life with the blue-ball syndrome is just crazy! I must also say here that I am not the type of person to force her to do anything. Once she says no, or just goes to sleep, then it is pretty much over for me. I am also not the kind of person to beg, either. I will try to "romance" her, but it seldom works.

 

          It's not like she comes home and starts cleaning the house, either. I do all of that stuff, and see to it that she has hot meals waiting for her. All she does here at home is wash the clothes....I am forbidden from ever touching a washing machine again.  Some green shirts came out orange once, so I have to leave the washing to her.

 

        Ladies? Comments, questions, harsh remarks? Let's hear them. Oh, she is only a couple of years younger than myself.

 

             Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Guilty, or just another Kook?

    John Mark Karr...guilty of the murder of JonBenet Ramsey, or just another attention-seeking nut? Here is my take on it. Keep in mind, this is just my opinion, or my theory, at best, and just an un-educated guess at worst.

 

          This child was not killed by her mother. I give two reasons for this. People who spend as much time and money as her mother did grooming her for stardom rarely ever hurt these children! I said RARELY, not NEVER, there are exceptions to every rule. My second reason is this; Mrs. Ramsey died in June of this year. If she killed her(JonBenet) she would have told before she died. People usually want to save their soul before they die, hence, they start confessing anything they ever did wrong in their life!

 

            No such confession will EVER come from me. I would have to know about three weeks before I died to clear my soul!!!!!!  Most of my sins have just stopped short of murder and rape, and kidnapping, and I am not quite sure about that last one...hahahahahaha. Oh, well, better luck in the next life! But, I digress.

 

        John Mark Karr(sp?). This guy just gives me the creeps. That is not an esay thing to do, either. I have been around some nasty people before, and I got to tell ya, this guy just sends shivers down my spine! There is also the matter of the lady in California who has these "alleged" recordings made of the guy talking five years ago. Five years is a long time to hang on to the reported tapes of the murderer of a small girl.

 

          Why didn't she take these purported tapes of the "killer" to the police back then? Is this guy guilty, or just creepy? I have no idea. This is one of the most screwed up cases of all times. I don't think we will ever know just WHO did this.

 

            Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Of Men and Rednecks

      Ok, so Mr. Bush is an asshole, this is a given, right? This morning, Mr. Bush met with this "Rocky" guy from Louisiana who lost everything in hurricane Katrina last year. Ok, so maybe he just wanted to meat a cajun, whatever. The whole thing stinks of a "photo-op" if you ask me! I fully expect the C.I.A. to break down my door after they read this one, folks!

 

           Why would Mr. Bush meet with this redneck, trailer-trash, chicken-dick, piece of cajun shit, and NOT meet with the lady last year who lost her son in Baghdad? Can anyone answer that for me? I would rather lose EVERYTHING I OWN than one of my children! Material shit can be replaced, a child cannot! Mr. Bush is far more of an asshole than I could have EVER IMAGINED! Look up the word "Dick-head" in the dictionary, and you will find a picture of Mr. Bush!

 

          I hope you enjoyed your meeting , "Rocky", I really do. Think of what you lost, and then think of that poor young man who lost HIS LIFE last year. As a matter of fact, he gave his life so you could meet with our leader today! He gave his life for our democracy. A democracy that allows an elected official to snub the parents of one lost in battle, but to meet with a piece of shit like you!

 

      And did any of you catch just how "Rocky"  kissed George's ass on national tv? Shit, I was telling him to clean George's colon while he had his tongue up there!!!!!! Oh Yeah, life is fair...according to George and "Rocky", that is!

 

            Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

 

P.S.

  I am trailer trash myself, so don't start bitchin' about me calling someone else by that name!