My Business, Not Your's...

  Yesterday, I wrote something here that I shouldn't have. After careful consideration, I decided that the entry was just too harsh to leave here. One of my readers decided that I was an asshole for a certain word that I used, and let me know about it. This reader even went so far as to call me a coward...that got me to thinking.

 

          "Coward". To run from things that tend to scare you. Sweetheart, I have never ran from anything. I have faced certain death head-on, and never flinched! I have been through one divorce, and still am not certain about this marriage. I have looked down the barrell of guns on numerous occaisions, and not run. "Coward"? You need to get your terms straight. I used a word that I should never have used, true. The fact is, I NEVER use that word, and I thought that I had mis-used it, so I deleted the entry. No use hurting someone's feelings for nothing.

 

           Now then, if someone acts like the word that I used, then I will still NOT use it. I really don't like the word. I do, however, try to make a point with my words. I felt strongly about the subject matter, I am just not so sure I felt that strongly about it. Don't call me a "coward", and hide behind a screen name, please. I have given my full name and address here before, and will do it again. "Coward"? You can call me that when you have signed up for the Armed Forces, and served your Country.  You can call me "Coward" when you have stood and fought more than three men at once!(I didn't say that I won).

 

            If we want to hurl names at each other, I suggest this---man who came to his senses, and righted a wrong that he made. I am not mad at the reader, just a little disappointed that the reader thinks that they are infallable. None of us are, and I would hope that you remember that.

 

                       Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

To Tell or Not to Tell....

.....That is the question. A couple of months ago, a cousin of mine "found" me on the net. This cousin lives in Missouri, where most of my people were originally from. Don't worry, I am not being scammed, she really is my cousin. She knows too many things that happened when we were kids....things that only I or she would know.

 

        Through her help, I now posess the knowledge of where my biological father is, his address, and phone number. She really is a sweet girl. I asked for this information, and she found it for me. I have a reason for wanting this info....but it is NOT what you may be thinking.

 

      If you are a long-time reader here, then you know it is almost two(2) years since my mom was killed by her 'boyfriend'. The week before she died, she called me late one night.  It was the 'usual' thing...I answered the phone, and she started cussing me out. First about one thing, then another...the details aren't important. When she had finished, she calmed down, and then began to talk. I think she somehow KNEW that she hadn't a lot of time left here, just by the way that she was telling me things.

 

        The conversation turned to my 'real' dad. She told me of a love that would never die. She told me that he was the only man who ever had her heart. She still loved him, and wished that he were there with her at that time. The whole thing was really surreal.

 

        I have come to know that that news was not for me. It was for my dad. I was meant to convey that message to him. The knowledge given to me by my mom was not mine to keep. She never said that she loved her kids, only this man. One Man. The only man for her. How do I tell him without sounding completely sappy? This is something that SHE should have told him. Since her time was cut so short, I guess it falls to me(again), to straighten up one of my mom's messes.

 

        How do I know that she wanted my dad to know this? I don't, for sure. But there is this nagging feeling that he SHOULD know this. Since I am the only one she told this to, it therefore falls to me to tell him. I don't hate the man, but I haven't lost anything in him, either. All he ever gave me was a name. That, and a dollar, will get you a cup of coffee  anywhere.

 

      I have to call him. I have to tell him. I don't want to, but I know that I must.....

 

                     Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Simon and Garfunkel...A Bridge to the Past

  "Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water"....by Paul Simon, and Art Garfunkel. One of my favorite songs when I was a small child. The meaning of it wasn't lost on this little boy, at the time. I knew that it meant(to me, at least), that there was hope to solve problems that came up. "Like a bridge over troubled water" meant to me that ANY gap in communication could be "bridged", any problem could be solved. Or so I thought at the time.

 

            With all of the crap that was going on in my little life, I looked to that song for strength(That, and "Puff The Magic Dragon", but that is another story...), it helped me get through every time my mom would beat me. I would just run the words through in my head during the "beating time" as we called it, and I was able to make it through. OK, maybe the song had nothing to do with it, maybe I was just so mean, and hardened by that time that I really didn't give a shit anymore, but I thought it helped, so there.

 

        Then, when I was still very young, maybe nine(9) or ten(10) years old, I heard that Simon and Garfunkel had split up. SPLIT UP?!?!?! These were the guys that had sang "Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water"!!! How in the hell could THEY split up?? Couldn't they work it out? Their song helped me, why couldn't it help them??? My little world was shattered. I just knew the song would never work for me again...I was doomed to a cycle of endless beatings with nothing to look forward to. How could I go on? What would I do?

 

           I found out that I would endure, I would go on. Did the song really help? Yes, it did. I continued to run it through my head whenever my mom got the "itch" to do some beatin'. I STILL, to this day, use the song. Maybe Simon and Garfunkel couldn't use it, but I damn sure do!!!

 

               Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

At Least One Good Thing

  I hope this shows up for all to see. I just had to put it here for now.

 

            Hello john goodson!

Your Quit Date is:Wednesday, December 03, 2003 at 12:00:00 PM Time Smoke-Free:820 days, 18 hours, 23 minutes and 54 seconds Cigarettes NOT smoked:24623 Lifetime Saved:6 months, 8 days, 2 hours Money Saved:$4,310.25

Open Gadget

Congratulations

WHO'S BETTER THAN YOU TODAY?
You've made it! A whole 27 months without a cigarette! In that time, you've successfully navigated the physical chaos of withdrawal, the emotional highs and lows of early quit, and the pitfalls of relapse!
WHO'S BETTER THAN YOU TODAY?
Countless times you've refused the offered cigs. More times than that you've craved nicotine, but opted for health, instead. You've endured teasing, lack of support, and feeling uncomfortable and out of place among smokers. You may have had issues with weight, anger, tension or sadness, but still you stayed SMOKE-FREE!
WHO'S BETTER THAN YOU TODAY?
You're adjusting to a whole new lifestyle. You're already thinking different thoughts. You've changed habits and routines. You've made new friends and, perhaps, let go of some old ones. You're starting to realize the benefits of living a SMOKE-FREE life. More and more, you see yourself as a non-smoker. We hope you're as proud of you as we are.
WHO'S BETTER THAN YOU TODAY?
And while you've been doing all this for yourself, you've been helping everyone here at the Q: your membership in our community, whether active or passive, has demonstrated an ongoing support of the efforts of all of us. We hope you stay with us as you continue your SMOKE-FREE journey to a fuller, richer, healthier life.

 

Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Latent Conspiracy?? (You Decide)

  And here we go again! When I last got out of the nut-ward of the "local" hospital, I was put on a new medicine, and one med that I was already taking was upped in dosage. Well, the nurse that did the discharge on me was busy with shit happening at home, and didn't really pay attention to what he was doing. Subsequently, he forgot to write my prescriptions for the new med, and for the upped dosage of the other med.

 

          So, I call the hospital a few days after I arrived home---I didn't even notice that I had no prescriptions at first. Besides, my job is to be the nut, it is THEIR job to help me out. Whatever. So, anyway, I call the hospital...I am told "No problem, dude, have your doctor call us, and we can get those drugs right to you, your regular family doctor can write the 'scripts"!  Shit, that sounded easy enough to me!

 

               So, today I get an appointment with my family doctor(finally), and tell her the situation. "Not a problem, John, I will just call the hospital like they said, and they can fax over the 'scripts". Easy enough.  Yeah, not in this fuckin' life! The hospital tells my DOCTOR that they cannot release ANY info about me untill I go all the way back out there and sign a release form!! Well fuck me!!! That is the FIRST piece of paper that you sign when you go in!! One release form for the hospital to GET your records, and one to RELEASE your records!!  Who the fuck is running that place? Some of the fucking freaks that were on the nut-ward with me???

 

       I have said it before, and I will say it again; I swear that the government picks out certain people at birth, and continuosly fucks with them throughout their lives. They do this to see just WHO ends up as the next serial killer, or mass-murderer! People who all of a sudden "snap" are some of these people!  There is absolutely NO REASON for me to keep running into brick walls in my life!  Someone, somewhere, somehow, is fuckin' with my life! There has to be! There is no way that ANYONE could have this much bad "luck"!!!

 

           So, after all of this shit, I am supposed to keep my temper in check. Yeah, and monkeys are supposed to fly out of my ass!!! Maybe if I get drunk enough, I will forget.....whoops, won't work. The shit will still be there tomorrow....

 

             Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

 

P.S.....Go ahead, assholes, I'm on to you!

Take Care of your Pets

  I belong to a local "freecycle" chapter in my area. This is a small organazation that has people who give things away to other people, to be recycled, or re-used, and not just thrown away. It is a good idea, but sometimes, it can try your patience.

 

          Nearly everyday I see people "giving away" free puppies and kittens. People....PLEASE take care of your animals. If you 'keep' an animal as a pet, then YOU are responsible for that animal! Have the animal spayed, or nuetered. This way you don't have to go out of your way trying to "give away" little bundles of life that even YOU don't want. If you wanted them, you wouldn't be trying to give them away! Make no mistake, you were careless, and your animal became pregnant, and now you don't want the little lives that have come into the world.

 

           I hate to see this keep happening, but it goes on everyday. There is no excuse for this. YOU are supposed to be "smarter" than your animals....."supposed to be"...that is the key. Don't let this keep happening. Do I own animals? Yes, I have two female cats. I love them, and I do not let them become pregnant. At this time, I do not want a litter of kittens to deal with. Rather than let the cats run loose during the time they are "in season", I keep them in the house. And, yes, I have to put up with some of the most awful noises you could imagine. Cats in season can be VERY vocal! And very loud.

 

        No matter what animal you own, please stop the un-wanted births of little bundles of life. Any life is precious. I can't stand to hear of people that have small animals, and they actually kill the new borns sometimes, just to get rid of them. That person has to be more "man" than I am. I could not do that...like I said, ALL life is precious, a miracle in itself. Do what is right, won't you, please?

 

          A concerned citizen in Walnut, Ms.

No Subject Line Today

  Well, here we are on a Friday night. All revved up and no place to go!!! My sattelite tv has been out for a week now. I have replaced the reciever, the LNB(that's the little thing in the middle of the dish), and re-grounded the system. I have realigned the dish, and even made sure that the signal is at 100%. Still no luck. So the dish people say that someone will be out Tuesday....sometime between 8:00 am, and 5:00 pm. These fools are just as bad as the cable people!!

 

           Not much else to talk about for the past week...this tv thing has been taking up all of my time. Fooling around with first one thing, then another, and waiting for the UPS guy to deliver things to me.  I wish they were like the ACME guys on the "road Runner" cartoon. Put your request in the mail, and the dude shows up right then!! That would be cool....except I seem to recall that those ACME products hardly ever worked right!!

 

                Holla' If You Hear Me!!!