To Be Given Away...

......To good home. One 45 year old white male. Of Irish-American Indian descent. He is 5' 10" tall, and weighs 270 pounds. Fairly good mechanic, and can fix most small appliances. Loves to play chess, writes poetry, paints, and is an accomplished jewelry maker.

             Knows his way around a kitchen,(that includes washing dishes), and has been known to change diapers on infants.  Ex-Biker, also some military training. Can hold his own in a bar-fight, can shoot, and is proficient with knives. Can also handle a compound bow, and currently owns three of them.

             Wife of twenty three years no longer needs him....all of a sudden she knows everything about life! Get your requests in quick, folks, this one should go fast............................

 

                    Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Too Tired?

    All of my life, I have had to fight for what little I have gotten. I'm not crying about it, I think it made me tougher than the average individual, and that is ok with me. But, when do you know that the fight is over? How much does one person take before they just throw in the towel, and say, "I've had enough"?

              I feel as if I am at that point. Confession time; I have tried to over-dose on pills twice since I have been home from the hospital. I just end up really sick, and sort of hung over. I just don't care anymore. I don't care if I go on or not. My wife said that she sold my guns while I was in the hospital. I guess I have to believe her, I can't find them here anywhere...and I have looked!

                  I can't explain this feeling, or feelings. It just seems that I have given up...I quit. I can't understand this because I am a fighter. If I weren't, I would never have made it this far. Can someone become so overwhelmed that they simply give up? At this point, I would have to answer in the affirmative. I really wish I had my guns...

....And You are mad Because??

Ok, this has got me really bugged. People are STILL bitchin' about the President using "illegal" wiretaps to listen in on phone calls. Excuse my stupidity, but after the events of 9-11-01, can you blame them? This issue puts me on the wrong side of the fence---the side with George Bush and his "Cowboy Cabinet", as I call them.

                 We, as Americans, want to be safe, but we want ALL of the freedoms in the world. Well, you can't have both without stepping on some toes. Hell, I expect that even my activities in this journal are monitored. As many times as I have spoken out against the leaders of this country, I would almost be disapointed if they weren't! So what if a few thousand international calls were listened to?

                 It has been known for many years that the gov't has these large computers that monitor EVERY CALL in the U.S. Don't any of you watch the "Discovery Channel"? They even showed the computers a few years back! ALL CALLS are monitored, certain words will be caught, or recognized, by the computers, and those calls containing those words are singled out for further scrutiny. It's simple, people, we have been monitored for many years.

                   Did you know that every cell phone and computer sold here in the U.S. contains a small chip to let the gov't slip in the "back door"? It is called the "Clipper-Chip". Or, at least, that was the last name I heard it called. During the first Iraqi war, back in '91, do you think it was just good work by our armed forces that brought Saddam down so quickly? It was partly due to them, but the gov't let it be known, after the war, that all of the computers the Iraqis were using were from the good old U. S. of A.

                At the start of the hostilities, a signal was sent to those computers, and they all crashed! "Strike from within". One of the most common, and often overlooked, strategies for fighting a war! Take away the enemies eyes and ears, and you WILL defeat him quickly. How do I know these things? Well, the discovery channel for one, and from a little book titled "The Art of War",  by Sun Zu. Pick it up sometime, and give it a read.

                You will most likely NOT find it on Oprah's reading list, but it is a good book. I find advice in there that I can use every day. So, let's stop pissin' and moaning about how the gov't is abusing our rights, and focus on the problems at hand...namely stopping terrorists from killing anymore Americans.

 

                Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

My "Minions"

  Well, I haven't written in a while, and I apoligize for that, my little minions! Someone once called everyone that reads here my "minions". The person did this to be mean and hurtful. Now, I could have gotten mad....sure, but what purpose would that serve? I kind of liked the idea of having "minions", so I used it to my advantage!

                Therein lies the reason for my latest diatribe---take what people use against you, and turn it around. Use it as a joke if you have to. Just, please, don't let little things get to you. There are far too many big things that will get you sooner or later. Life is short, I know. Believe me, I know.

             Besides, the person who coined the term "minions", referring to the people here, is someone I sort of know. I don't think they really meant anything bad by it. I really like that person, and I just decided to take it in stride. Besides, this person and I share more than they are willing to admit....but I won't tell what  it is.

                "Don't sweat the petty stuff...and don't pet the sweatty stuff!!!!!".

 

                Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Something Special

OK, enough of that stuff for a little bit. I have been working some things out, so we will get back to that stuff later. Today, I feel good. I feel positive. And I need to tell you children, and my "minions" about a foundation that a friend and I are trying to get started. (Shut up, it could happen!)

             Of late, I and a friend of mine have noticed that we(the country), are losing rednecks at an alarming rate. They aren't getting rich and moving away, or anything like that. No, we are losing them to stupidity. Not like people who are born "mentally challenged"....no, those people can't help how they are. Rednecks gain their stupidity from over-use of alcohol, or just a plain lack of good sense as one tries to "show off" for their friends!

             I mostly blame the schools in our area. Here is why I say that. The high schools in this part of the country do not teach kids the importance of simple physics. If you know simple physics, then 'Bubba' would understand and comprehend the forces at work on a human body when he gets drunk, and jumps out of his buddy's bass boat at 40 mph! 'Bubba' would also understand that hunting from a tree-stand 35 feet off the ground while drinking is a bad idea. Too often, I have heard these fateful last words..."Hey, hold my beer, and watch this". Sadly, when we hear these words, we know that we are about to lose one of our brethern. We know that no amount of logical talk will help our friendly redneck; the only way he will survive the night is in the intensive-care ward at a local hospital. (If we are REALLY lucky, and he is REALLY stupid, we might even get to see a helicopter land somewhere that it wouldn't normally!)

            So, my friend and I started S. A. R. F. Save A Redneck Friend (I know it rhymes with "barf".) We need our rednecks. Who else would we laugh at? Who else would we see put a beer can on their head, and let an equally drunk redneck shoot it off?? You just can't buy entertainment like that! Why do I make fun of them? I am one! Too often in my younger days I uttered those famous last words...hold my beer and watch this. I beat the odds, I actually survived some of my stupider stunts. Yes, there were bruises, stiches, and the occaisional concussion, but I got through it. If we can save just one redneck to see old age...

 

        Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

(no rednecks were harmed in the writing of this article)

Day Four (12-01-05)

    Standing around waiting for something to do. The nurse came at 6:00 am to get some more blood from me. They are monitoring my thyroid gland closely. I will find out if it is going down, and I can return to something like "normal" soon. I hope, that is. Not much happening today, I got my "phase two" bracelet. This means that you have been making ALL of the group sessions, and are participating in your care here.

              This also shows that you keep your room clean, and that you don't hassle the staff or clients. Whatever. I filled out the paperwork for the "phase three" bracelet. This one allows you to go outside with staff, or with another client. You can walk on the grounds of the hospital, but only for a little while. I think they give you an hour or something like that.

                 I spoke to my youngest daughter this evening...she was telling me all about the wrestling that was on Monday night. She gets so excited about that stuff! Anyway she was doing fine, so I spoke to my wife for a few minutes, then hung up, and went to the last group meeting of the day. Slow day, that's for sure.

 

                   Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Day Three (11-30-05)

  Third day. Still boring as hell. I called my wife last night, but there was no answer...I know where she is. She is safe, and ok. I am thinking about why I want to go back to her. I can't come up with a good reason right now. Ever since she has gotten this job of hers, everyone in her life is secondary to the job. She even refuses to introduce me to people she speaks to in public that know her...I am puzzled at this.

         The doctor has set up a meeting between my wife and me for three o'clock today....with someone between us. I have no idea what to say to her. I know that controlling myself is paramount. That is the one thing foremost on my mind. My temper is the reason that I am here. Also, the thyroid gland problem. The doctors are just now telling me that a thyroid gland running away with you can make you "crazy". Imagine that! You think someone could have told me that two years ago?

             The meeting with my wife went smoothly, sort of. She is deathly afraid of me at this point. I guess I can't really blame her. I should have been able to control the beast better than I did. I swore a long time ago that it would never come out.  I guess I was wrong. It seemed to just come all at once. After it was triggered, there was no way to stop it.

          There has emerged a group of people that sort of stick together here; Corey, Beverly, Tony, Helen, and myself. We all talk about the people we have at home. We also share a love of the same cartoons on t.v. We talk about why we are here, and we make jokes to help each other through this time here. It can be good to break the tension every now and then with these people. We jokingly call each other "crazy". One of the counselors has noticed that I am the "leader" of this small clique of people, and has told me as much.

           The staff has full access to everyone here. There are cameras everywhere. Anything you do is captured on film. This point was firmly driven home to two people in our group...they were caught sneaking into each other's rooms on different occasions. That is a definite no-no here! They have just extended their stay, that's for sure. And to answer your un-asked question, no, I was NOT one of them. Why in the hell would you start a relationshipwith someone in the same nut-ward as you are in? Seems like a risk, even without the cameras.....maybe I'm just thinking too much again.

 

               Holla' If You Hear Me!!!