Everything is Lost

Even my muse has abandoned me in my time of need. I desperately need to be very drunk. Just to smile once again, oh to feel something other than this crushing depression. I don't want to go on, but I feel that I have to. I still have a daughter at home. and I still have two grandchildren whom I love very much. I just cannot do this much longer. It just seems to me that my wife got off with nothing. Her infidelity cost her nothing, but has very nearly destroyed me! Is that fair? Should I have to suffer this badly for love?

 

         Should I continue to love her? I still do, you know. Somewhere, down deep, I still do. I pledged my life to her...I never gave her permission to waste it like this. I thought I knew pain. I was wrong. I learned a hard lesson...trust no one, ever. And NEVER trust anyone with your heart!

Another Day

...Another day...I go through the motions of the living. I hate being alive. I hate my life. I hate everything about my joke of a marriage. I want to forgive, but I can't. I spent more than half of my life being loyal to her, and she rips my heart out like this. Dying is better than living in this instance. I can't stand being alive anymore, I just can't live with this on my mind....

New Poem

                                           Death of a Dragon

 

I used to write, and I used to rhyme

I loved to make people laugh all the time.

But time, as well as tide, wait for no one.

Some terrible things to my soul have been done!

 

A heart is a fragile thing, it really is

A man can be hurt, no matter how "big".

At the center of it all, a woman, wouldn't you know

She did her best, struck the fatal blow.

 

Was a time when she was my best companion,

Now, I am no longer her friend or Champion.

I loved her, and to do my best I always tried,

But the magic, and the love have died.

 

She was a friend, a pal, and a lover

She was a woman like no other!

But recently her infidelity has shown through,

And I am stranded, not knowing just what to do.

 

My heart will never mend,

Of our love, is this the end?

I try to forgive her, I really do,

but this is something very hard to go through.

 

I live each day as the next,

broken, forlorn, just writing the text.

I go through the motions of each day,

Constantly wondering why she strayed.

 

They say that death comes many times to those who flee...

What of a broken heart, what of someone like me?

Death for me can never come quickly enough,

Even though I drink from the poisoned cup.

 

A tainted love, now not worth my time,

She ruined it, it isn't worth my time.

Oh, she said she was sorry, and she cried

But I couldn't believe her, not after she lied.

 

;-( Holla' If You Hear Me!!! :-(

Things Goin' On

 Well, I am practicing on my guitar. Progress is slow, but there IS progress. I used to play some, but that was a lifetime ago. I need to say something here. About a week before my oldest girl bought me that new guitar, my wife brought one from the store where she works. They were going to throw it away, but she rescued it. It was in terrible shape. It looked like a lost cause.

 

           Looking at it, my wife said I could fix it up. She KNEW I could fix it. I was skeptical, but I wanted to share her enthusiasim, so I siad that yes, I could fix it. The back was completely off of it...the strings that were left(all 2 of them), were strecthed far beyond their useful life. Some of the tuning pegs were gone, and it had holes in what was left of that back piece that was off of it. Damn, it was useless! It wasn't even any good for parts! There just weren't enough "parts" to use!

 

         Well, it is sitting in a corner of my computer room/office. If you pick it up, you can actually play it. That's right, it works, and  I expect my youngest girl to play along with me! She said she wanted after I finished it! If you look at the back, you can see all of the work that was done to it. I wanted it that way. It reminds me that even "broken" things can be mended...it just takes some time. Now, where can I apply that message in my life? I think I know, maybe.

 

 ;-) Holla' If You Hear Me!!! ;-)

From a Dear Friend...

 

This is timely, considering the Amnesty bill Congress will be voting on soon...
 

Let me make this perfectly clear!

THIS IS MY COUNTRY!


And, because I make this statement  

DOES NOT mean I'm against immigration!!!  

YOU ARE WELCOME HERE IN MY COUNTRY.

Welcome to come through like everyone else has.  

Get a sponsor!  

Get a place to lay your head!  

Get a job!

Live by  OUR rules!  

Pay  YOUR taxes!  

And  

LEARN THE LANGUAGE LIKE ALL OTHER  

IMMIGRANTS HAVE IN THE PAST!!!

AND PLEASE DON'T DEMAND THAT WE HAND OVER OUR  

LIFETIME SAVINGS OF SOCIAL SECURITY FUNDS TO YOU

TO MAKE UP FOR ''YOUR'' LOSSES.


If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone,  

then  YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!  


When will  AMERICAN'S STOP giving away  THEIR RIGHTS???

We've gone so far the other way ... bent over backwards not to  

offend anyone. But it seems no one cares about the  AMERICAN

that's being offended!  


WAKE UP America !!!

If you agree ... pass this on.

if you don't agree ... delete it!!!

See what's new at AOL.com and Make AOL Your Homepage.

The Hidden Artist In You

Okay,  let's start you off gently, this being your first time and all. Go somewhere that you can buy some water-color paints, and a rather large "book" of art paper, loose or not. This works for guys and/or girls. Oh, get a couple of brushes while you are there, the cheaper the better. Do not let them talk you into some expensive brushes, you will probably destroy them, anyway. Don't worry, you will like this.

       Now, go back home. By the way, if you meet any girls/guys on the way home, stop and talk. Girls/guys just cannot resist an "artist"(you already have the supplies under your arm, duh!) Now, having arrived home, let us begin. If you picked up a ladyfriend/malefriend on the way, well, you are on your own! But, for now, let's skip that part.

      Get yourself a small bowl of water, doesn't matter what temperature. Sorry, my cat jumped in my lap, and I had to stop, so read this with a long pause after "temperature". Alright, c'mon, not THAT long! Sheesh! Now, take out one of those cheap brushes, dip it in the water, and take out some of that paper that you bought.

        Think of what makes you the maddest you have ever been. Pick a color. And please, be original. Don't pick red just because you think it means mad. This is YOUR painting, not Van Gogh, or Da Vinci, or Michealangelo.  Now, I want you to put your brush on the paper, and PAINT. I did NOT say "create", I said PAINT. Just strokes, waves, whatever. Keep doing that untill all the anger is on the paper. Change colors if you need to.

       Now, step back and look at your creation. Looks like crap, doesn't it? I know my first one did.What comes out on the paper is not important. What you PUT ON the paper is...all that anger now has a place to live...and NOT in you! I'm not saying to never get angry. Getting angry is a defense mechanism, and we need it to survive. Sometimes we just can't turn it off, so we need a new place for it to go...hence, the art supplies.

        Don't throw this first one away. Keep it, but keep it in a closet, maybe, folded up in a box.  Do this for the things that make you sad, happy, fearful, needful, whatever. Your creations will develop over time, and some will become so good that you will frame them. Trust an old man, I have been to the "edge" many times and looked down. Sometimes, I get to thinking that "six feet" ain't so far down! But I manage to keep it together.

 

;-) Holla' If You Hear Me!!! ;-)

Something Wonderful

I had  been talking to my oldest daughter about a prt-time job with her crew. I didn't care if she was the "boss", believe me, I have had far worse. And, yes, I have worked under a woman before. I don't have a problem with it. So, we had been talking and she asks me why I want a part time job. Well, I explained, it is so I can buy me a guitar. Nothing fancy, just your average six-string affair. So she says she will see what she can do. I told her I could do almost anything, just put a shovel in my hands and say, "dig". It didn't matter what the job was.

      Well, this past Sunday, she comes in with a brand-new guitar, still in the box! New! Just like that. I told her I couldn't possibly accept that, and her with two children to provide for(her husband works also, but let's face it, kids are expensive). She tell me "nonsense, dad, you raised me for 18 years, I can surely get you a guitar." I explained that she nor her younger sister owe me anything for raising them, that was my job, and for the most part, I enjoyed it. She told me to shut up and play...

 

:-) Holla' If You Hear Me!!! :-)