Slow Sunday

Kind of a slow weekend this time around. I'm just here at the house chillin', being cool for now. It just seems that sometimes things weigh heavily on me. I feel like I just can't get out from under whatever it is on me. ever feel that way? Like just too much shit has come at you all at once? Next month is also the third anniversary of my mother being murdered. There is a nest of snakes right there! So much never said, so much left in the dirt, and no way to resolve it. Sometimes, there are things that can hurt me. It just doesn't seem possible, but I do hurt sometimes...

 

:)Holla' If You Hear Me!!!:)

Planned Obselescence

 Well, good day to all! Time once again for the weekend. Time to get rowdy! Or, not, whatever you prefer. My daughter's TV in her room finally gave up the ghost, and died today. Luckily, Wal-Mart is having a sale on 19" TVs! Just $79:00 for one. So, we cruised on down to the local "Wally-World", and grabbed one! Not a bad price, if I must say so myself. The picture is great, and it even has stereo sound!

 

          Damn, I can still remember back when TVs ran on old tubes. When one, or more, was suspect, you could go to the local hardware store and test them on this big-ass machine. I used to think I was so "grown up" by testing those old tubes. I was only about five or six years old at the time. Remember when TVs had actual knobs on the front? Remember standing out in the cold trying to find just the right position for the old antennas? I do. Anyone remember the old "rabbit ears"? How about rabbit ears with tin-foil on them? Those were the days. My kids have asked me what a remote control looked like back then. It looked exactly like ME!!! My mom used to say "hey, go change the channel, and don't forget to use the pliers"!!! Yeah, you know what I am talking about. The "good old days".

 

            Now look at what TV has become. We can get pictures from sattelites over a hundred miles out in space. We can get somewhere around 500 channels, and not a damn thing to watch on any of them! Remember when you only got three stations, and maybe some P.B.S.? Man, if the president came on that night you were screwed! I have to say, though, I really like the Discovery Channel. I used to like The Learning Channel, but they have transformed that into a "house fixing and selling" channel. Oh, well, at least I still have "Adult Swim" on the Cartoon Network. What was that? You don't know what "Adult Swim" is? Well, I ain't tellin' you. Tune in Sunday through Thursday nights at 10:30 Eastern time, 9:30 central, and you will see for yourself! Make sure you watch something called "Aqua Teen Hunger Force". You will piss yourself laughing! Well, enough for now, my "minions"(damn, I still get a kick out of that!).

 

                :)Holla' If You Hear Me!!!:)

Slow Thursday

 Well, it is still early in the day here, so not much going on. My little granddaughter and my youngest daughter are playing with the cats. You know, throw the ball, and the cats destroy the house chasing it. For an animal that can be so nimble at times, they can be so opposite of that when chasing a ball. I mean, c'mon, you're a cat for goodness' sakes!! Act like one. Dogs chase balls, not cats! Actually, I can see where that comes in handy, cats will normally attack anything that moves within their field of vision.

 

          Ok, what is going on in the world? Ex-President Carter has backed off from his inital criticism of President Bush. You know the story, he(Carter) said that this administration was "the worst ever".  I hate that he backed away from that, it really hurts his credibility. Never back down when you take a stand. If you prove me wrong, fine, I will accept that, but I will not back down once I have taken a stand. If you think I am wrong, prove it, and I will step aside for you and the truth. I will concede the issue only to the truth. I like President Carter, but he really screwed the pooch on this one. The Bush administration IS the worst in history. That's right, I said it. The man couldn't find his ass if BOTH of his hands were in his back pockets! Sorry, but that is the way I see him.

 

           The man is uncouth, of barely moderate intelligence, has no sense of what is going on in the world, and is an all around ass. Get a clue, Mr. President. Buy a vowel, shit, do something to help someone. Hey, here is an idea...GET THE FUCK OUT OF IRAQ!!!!! That would be great, especially since you are there on false pretenses! Oh, yeah, while you are at it, stop the oil companies from PRICE GOUGING!! Don't tell me they aren't jacking up prices then show me on the news where they are making RECORD PROFITS!! Who the fuck believes you? Oh, that's right, the fuckin' rich assed Republicans that put your sorry ass in office! But then this is just the opinion of one pissed-off redneck....till tomorrow, folks!

 

           :)Holla' If You Hear Me!!!:)

Great Day...Monday

 So, last Friday really sucked, huh. Well, I have those days. They come and they go. I still would rather be drunk than sober. Oh well, what are you gonna do? Lay around and piss and moan, or just piss and moan? Screw it. Monday was better, and I will tell you why.

 My granddaughter just completed the first grade Monday! She ended up with one trophy for reading...264 books in a school year! She also ended the year with seven other awards  like a citzenship award, math award, honor roll award, language arts award, and I can't even remember the rest. She was so proud, and I was too. Just think, I used to run with a motorcycle gang, and now I have grandchildren that can accomplish something like this! I have been in some places where only quick thinking, and sometimes violence, were the only means of getting out alive. I just don't have the words to describe how I felt today as that tiny little girl recieved award after award, and looked into my eyes for approval...awesome, just fucking awesome! I never believed I would see anything like it! Her mother(my oldest daughter) spent the last three years of high school(10th, 11th, &12th grades), in the "Who's Who In High School" book. A feat that has never been repeated at her school as of this writing! Even the worst days are eclipsed by something like this. From my humble beginnings as a gang member, to this. That tiny little girl, her eyes wide with the fire that I used to see in me. She will grow up better than me, I have made that vow. I still have a daughter at home (15). She sort of struggles with school, but I will be right beside her, too. No child that is related to me will go through what I did growing up...never. I will always see to that.

 

          :) Holla' If You Hear Me!!!:)

Let's Party! (It's Friday)

 Damn, they (AOL) keep changing things on me. I guess some of the changes are for the better, but the choices can get rather confusing. I like things streamlined...make it smooth as possible,(and you "girls" can take that any way you want to!!!), in and out, and finished! (I seem to be full of double entendres!). Anyway, it is Friday, and I just know it's five o'clock somewhere! It sucks that I can't drink. C'mon, what's a few(12 or more) beers in an already fucked up body? I could care less if it killed me. At least the funeral procession wouldn't hold up traffic long! Just two cars, one for the casket, and one for the shovels!

 

                That's right, I could care less. I am constantly being stuck with something...to either get blood out, or to put something in me! I say "fuck it and get drunk"!!! I have had enough. I have done just about everything I wanted to do in my lifetime, and then some!  Most people fear dying, not me. Fuck it, death can come when he wants, hell, I would even get him a beer!  I say let's get a bottle or two of Tequila and tear it up! I mean get really shit-faced, see if Death shows up! I am sick and tired of fighting for another day, only to find out that something else is fucked up in my body or my life! Wait, LIFE rhymes with WIFE! Well, I see the problem now! Well, fuck it...she ain't as slick as she thinks she is. She never will be, either.

 

              What? You think I am whining? Fuck off, I haven't even BEGAN to whine! I could tell you things that would curl your hair, then straighten it out again! You have no idea what I put up with here. I think a change of scenery is about due. A change of scenery waaaaaaaay away from here. I grow tired of lies and fairy tales. Bring me Mead and Ale worthy of a king, because I deserve it! The fact that I haven't killed someone yet is a fuckin' miracle! Some people just don't know how lucky they are!!!

 

                    Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

My Anthem...

 My Anthem, believe me, it fits most days.

 

Creed - Weathered Lyrics

I lie awake on a long, dark night
I can't seem to tame my mind
Slings and arrows are killing me inside
Maybe I can't accept the life that's mine
No I can't accept the life that's mine

Simple living is my desperate cry
Been trading love with indifference yeah it suits me just fine
I try to hold on but I'm calloused to the bone
Maybe that's why I fell alone
Maybe that's why I feel so alone

Me..I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal

The sun shines and I can't avoid the light
I think I'm holding on to life too tight
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Sometimes I feel like giving up
Sometimes I feel like giving up

Me...I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal

The day reminds me of you
The night hides your truth
The earth is a voice
Speaking to you
Take all this pride
And leave it behind
Because one day it ends
One day we die
Believe what you will
That is your right
But I choose to win
So I choose to fight
To fight

Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Advice, Maybe? Or Just an Observation

 Here is a small tid-bit that I found on the 'net today. It could be advice for some(maybe even me), or it could just be a casual observation...I leave the decision up to you, my minions.

___________________________________________________________________

"If you put a buzzard in a pen six or eight feet square and entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of his ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of ten or twelve feet. Without space to run, as is his habit, he will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.

The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.

A Bumblebee if dropped into an open tumbler will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.

In many ways, there are lots of people like the buzzard, the bat and the bee. They are struggling about with all their problems and frustrations, not realizing that the answer is right there above them."

_________________________________________________________________

              Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

A Quick Word to my "Minions"

 Well, howdy there, little minions! I hope you are enjoying the beginning of your weekend. As for me, I will be right here all day, off and on. Yes, it is Saturday and I am at home, making sweet love to my air-conditioner! Temps in the upper 90's tend to drive me inside. I am just thankful that the AC is working!

 

            Ok, this not drinking is really putting aa strain on me. I don't consider myself an alcoholic, but I do love my beer. I had a few last weekend, and that was the first in a good long while. Ok, I'll stop whining, nothing can be done about it anyway. Whatever. Now then, where was I before I got side-tracked? Oh, yeah, my minions.

 

               Not much to tell everyone. I am working on a "special" knife. This one will be only for me, and will be a one-off thing. I will only make ONE like it. When it is finished, I will put a picture of it here for all to see. This may take awhile, as I intend to push my design and building skills to the limit, just to see what I can come up with. Have a good weekend, and be good little minions! (or not!!!)

 

                    Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

The Last Man on Earth...

....To not own a cell phone! And, I am proud of that fact. I hate cell phones. Why? Because I am slowly going blind, and I cannot see the buttons on them! "Go get some glasses" you say? I did. Within six months they were no good.  I can't use them anymore, they just don't work. Or, actually, it's my eyes that don't work. And, vanity, thy name is me! I hate to pull out a pair of glasses in public!

 

            Then, there is the "dummy factor". The odd little quirk that says if you are doing something and don't want to be disturbed, the phone will ring! I leave my house so people CANNOT CALL ME! Why in the hell would I take a phone with me? That's just stupid. I am not a doctor, lawyer, judge, whatever. I am not important enough to carry a cell phone. It's just a waste of money.

 

              I have had people tell me that I am "afraid" of technology...excuse me? "Afraid of technology", I use a computer. I have multiple game consoles in my home(mini computers in their own right!), I even understand the technology that makes new cars run. Did you know that we are no more than five years away from cars that "drive by wire"? Believe me, I keep abreast of nearly all of the tech that I can. I am STILL waiting for "wet-ware". Brain implants that make you smarter, muscle implants that make you quicker, stronger, better. I want to be "wet-wired" now! I would say that makes me more "tech-friendly" than most people. I just don't like cell phones, that's all.

 

                         Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Still

..And she just called...still the shit goes on.

 

                Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Hello Again

 Well, my friend Bob has gone all philisophical on me. I am really confused by that, but he IS giving good advice, so I will just see how far he takes it. I kind of like it, though! Not much to report today. Things at home are still the same...shitty and strained. Guess it will stay that way untill I finally leave. Sounds strange, but it will come to that. I hate it, but it is the final solution. Either that, or something worse.

 

         I am not working on anything today, I sort of took the day off. Like I said yesterday, I am still recovering from Saturday. I still say it was worth it, even if I did have to return to the hell that is "home". I am trying to come up with a new design for the knives. I don't really like the current design, it was only intended to be an initial proto-type anyway. Other people seem to like the design, but as an artist,(and I use that term loosely), nothing is ever "finished" for us. It really sucks sometimes, being like that.

 

            Ok, how about the state of my mental self? Fucked up! Really fucked up! I have been on this medicine for over a year now, and I can see no change. If anything, my mental state seems to have worsened. I hate those around me, and can only imagine doing really bad things to them....some of them. Paranoid? Not really, I just don't trust ANYONE, and I believe NOTHING that the wife says to me. She is the embodiment of lying and back-stabbing. She has tried my patience at every turn...and now it is running thin. Oh, the things that run in my brain! If some of you only had  even a tiny clue...

 

                                        Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

 

                            

Monday, Monday

 Monday, the most maligned day of the week. I like Mondays, I've never had a problem with Monday. When I was younger, it meant an end to the seemingly "endless" partying. A time to stop "drinking and druggin". A time for rest at work. Hell, I used to go to work to get out of partying! But, that was in my younger days. Back in the "past". We have spoken of that already.

 

                Saturday I went fishing with my oldest daughter, her husband, and the grandkids. Through no fault of my daughter or her husband, I ended up as a babysitter. This was not a bad thing...I had quite the time with the children. I have always had a certain way with kids. They just seem to like me. Even now when my wife and I are out, kids will still just come up and talk to me. Don't read that the wrong way. I have never harmed a child, and never will. I think you would be hard-pressed to find a Biker who has hurt a child. They have children and grandchildren of their own.

 

                Ok, I got off track. I was happy Saturday, although I paid a heavy price for the day. A lot of my meds say that they are "photo-sensitive". That translates to "stay out of the sun". Kind of hard to do if you plan on fishing! As I wore a shirt with no sleeves,("Bubba" style), I promptly burned within ten minutes of fishing. Oh well, too late to do anything about it then! They also had a big cook-out, so there was plenty of food and beer; two things I didn't need together. I limited my self on the eating, and I also sat with the grandkids to be sure that they ate. However, I am sad to say, I had about seven beers. That is well within my "acting drunk and stupid" tolerance, so I was ok there.

 

                The "being happy" part came as a surprise. I have been so unhappy for so long, I almost forgot how it felt to be happy. Sounds stupid, dosen't it? For a few hours this past Saturday, I was "ok". Un-fuckin'-beliveable! The price paid for Saturday was worth it. It will be a long time before I go fishing again; I am still sick and my arms are still burning. It was just too much sun at once for me. That in itself is strange, as I used to fish all day long on the week-ends when I was younger, and would do so without a shirt! I never used to burn, but now...sheesh! By the way, I am still making knives. If you want one, tell me. I get twenty dollars (U.S. currency only, please), for one, and thirty five for two. If you contact me,   johngjr1960@aol.com, with details of where to send it, I will pay the shipping and handling. Laterzzzzzzzzzz

 

                                  Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

The Past

 The past...it has gone by. It is in the past. The past can never be changed, it has already happened. "Don't live in the past", people say. But so much of who and what we are has been shaped by the past. Think about it, you are what you are simply because of the past.

 

             So much of how we see life actually comes from the past. We (hopefully) learn lessons from the past...good or bad. We learn who we can trust, and who we can't. Sometimes, we learn too late that a person  we trusted earned that trust wrongly. We learned in the past that this person could be trusted, when they were only lying in wait to prove that they could not be trusted! In this case, the past lied to us. It happens. People say to "move on, put the past behind you".

 

               It isn't that easy sometimes. If the person wasn't that close to you, then who gives a shit what they do. We learn to avoid that person, because they are scum. What if the person is very close, and a very trusted person? What if that person just rips the heart right out of you? Takes everything you knew, and completely destroys it in front of your eyes? Once it is done, it is "past". You MUST live in the past to some extent, that way you learn to ELIMINATE the people that destroy everything that you held dear. By living, and learning, from the past, they will never get the chance to harm you again.

 

                  What if it was someone you loved so deeply that you would do, or give, anything for that person? What if that person hurt you so badly that it never heals? By looking to the past, you can make sure that they NEVER get a second chance to do it again. I speak from personal experience, as some of you know. I will NEVER AGAIN let someone so completely fool me. The blinders are off..."love"? Fuck that...it is gone. Can it be regained? Never. You only fool me once, then I see you in a different light, the light that says "this person will only lie to you and hurt you again". My motto has always been to "trust no one". I got away from that, but now I am back to it. Everyone will eventually screw you over, so, "Trust No One", is a good motto to hold onto.

 

                      Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Just Updating

  I have finished my third knife so far. I know I said it took a couple of days for each one, but the more you do of them, the easier they become to do. I guess that is the way of some things. Or the fact that I am just that damn good!! LOL

 

             I am planning on going fishing Saturday if the weather holds. By "holds" I mean no tornadoes! I don't mind rain, I even have a poncho for that event. Here is a good tip for anyone that fishes; within your tackle box, place a large , black, trash bag. If you get caught in a rain, simply slip it over your head(cut a slit in the bottom, and a small slit on each side for your arms). You might want to prepare it at home first. I found this very useful in my younger years.

 

                 Thanks to Bob for the inspiration. That was some truly heavy shit, bro! I don't know how you came up with it, but it was good. I sometimes forget that my brain tells me to do things that aren't right, and then I go ahead and do them. And Bob, it isn't the present that I have trouble finding happiness in, it is the past. I just sometimes need to blow off a little steam. Just imagine a colossol struggle  going on everyday, then imagine that struggle is inside your head! Hey, it gets crowded in there sometimes.

 

                                     Holla' If You Hear Me!!!

Just for Those Who Don't Know My Alter-Ego

 For those who don't know, I am the DragonMaster at other websites. I ask only for complete power, over everything! I neither want nor need your blind devotion. I will, however, command your respect! This is a new affirmation. There will be changes made in my fucked up life. Some will not survive the cut, that is too bad.

 

               I will be the person that I was twenty years ago. From now on, I will no longer be toyed with. I will embark on a personal journey of hurting everyone in my life who is hurting me at this point. No more fucking around! If someone gets in my way, they will get cut down quickly...I will have no mercy anymore. These people know who they are, and they will learn that I am NOT to be trifled with. If you get burned, then you deserved it.

 

                              HAPPY HUNTING!!!

Slow Time

 Slow day today. I felt like some baked potatoes today. I can't have them because of the diabetes, but I don't give a damn. I finished another knife, this one for my youngest daughter. She was the first to say, "I want one of those"! So, she gets this one. I suspect that my oldest and her husband will want one, also. I WILL get around to selling some sooner or later! I guess you have to spend money to make money.

 

              Still problems with the wife. The less said about her behavior, the better. I can say this; I would NOT put up with anyone else treating me like this. She has done things that I would have harmed other people for doing...and she actually expects me to reward her for this behavior! If she only knew what is brewing...and it ain't a malt.

 

                                Holla' If You Hear Me!!!